Chapter Twenty-Six
Reid sighed as he straightened his tie in the mirror, looking himself up and down one last time. He still scrubbed up okay.
He wished Gabriel could see him like this.
He wished Gabriel could see him being recognized for his work, stand beside him, give somemeaningto all of this.
His work was its own reward, and getting an award for it didn’t mean much at all. Not to Reid, not really. It would have been nice, though, to have a partner who could celebrate with him.
And if Reid hadn’t been so stupid, sogreedyabout Gabriel, he could have had that. Gabriel could be kissing him goodbye now and promising to be there when he got back, which should have been enough.
Itwouldhave been enough. If he’d taken the time to assure Gabriel that being disappointed didn’t mean he was mad, didn’t mean he didn’t want to see him anymore, it would have been enough.
He wasn’t disappointedin Gabriel. He was disappointed in the world for making him feel as though he had to hide.
But he hadn’t been able to make that clear to him. He hadn’t entirely understood it himself, at the time. He’d been too busy wanting more, too selfish to look at things the way Gabriel saw them.
And now he’d lost the best thing he’d had in his life in years.
Reid slammed his apartment door too hard as he left, checking his phone to see that his cab was downstairs waiting.
He wasn’t going to enjoy this. Not knowing it had cost him Gabriel.
Not that he was ever going to enjoy it anyway, but he was already exhausted by the time he got in the cab and gave the address he was going to.
Reid felt stupid all dressed up, his tie suffocating him, his suit jacket binding his shoulders. Everything was uncomfortable, itchy, or tight.
The traffic outside was loud, a blur of sound that kept Reid’s mind on edge.
Nothing about this feltright.
What the hell was the point in an award if it meant he was losing the one thing he’d had for himself? The best thing in his life.
There was no point in it.
There was no point inanythingif it meant giving up what he wanted most.
“Hey,” he trapped the driver on the shoulder. “I’m sorry about this, but I need you to turn around.”
The driver looked between Reid and the road ahead, and then back to Reid again. “In this traffic?”
“It’s important. I’ll double the fare.”
The driver looked back and forth again, then shrugged. “Well, if it’s important…” he said.
It was.
It was the most important thing Reid could imagine doing.
