“Yeah, I do,” Alice said, her tone firm. Like she was stating a fact.
Gabriel had no reason to doubt her.
“But you’re asking the wrong question. The question is: did I really want those opportunities if they’d knock me back because of who I fundamentally am? I lose opportunities for being a woman or for being black all the time. Hell, I think I was passed over for a job once because I was from California. And if that’s enough to disqualify me? I don’t want it, anyway. I’m not huge on the whole working with assholes thing.”
She was right. Gabriel knew, in the pit of his stomach, that she was right. That he was only afraid of this because he’d never really had to face it before.
The fear was still there, though.
This was why he’d never come out earlier. Barely allowed himself to think that maybe he was attracted to men.
Because he knew what it would cost him.
And he wasn’t sure he was ready to wear that cost.
“What if I’m not willing to find out who’s an asshole and who’s not?” Gabriel asked.
Alice shrugged. “Totally an option. If staying in the closet is better and easier for you, that’s okay. Nobodyhasto come out. But I think you know that it’s hard to stay in, too. You miss out on a lot.”
Gabriel did know.
If he wasn’t willing to come out, he’d miss out on Reid.
The thought made him feel sick.
“Yeah, that’s… that’s kind of what I’m realizing,” Gabriel said.
“If your new boyfriend is pressuring you to be out, that’s not right,” Alice said. “He shouldn’t do that.”
Gabriel shook his head. “He’s not. We talked about it, but… he deserves better than a coward.”
“You’re not a coward. Don’t think that. This is scary stuff, and neither option is perfect. You have to decide what will make you happiest.”
Gabriel snorted. “Simple as that, huh?”
“I never said it waseasy.” Alice shrugged. “But it is that simple. Being out or not is about you, and no one else. You have to come to it on your own terms.”
“You’re very good at this,” Gabriel said.
Alice smiled at him. “We’ve gotta stick together, right?”
“Right,” Gabriel agreed.
It was good to have a friend who understood his problem and could offer solid advice. He’d have to think of something nice to do for her, to show he appreciated the help.
He just wished he knew what the hell to do about everything else.
