Chapter One
No matter how many times he looked out the viewing window, Gabriel never got used to seeing the Earth from above. Even after ten days in space, it made his heart flutter every time, his lungs feel tight.
That was Earth. That huge expanse of blue, green, and brown was his home. It was where everyone he’d ever known and everyone he everwouldknow lived.
It seemed so small, and so lonely from here.
On Earth, everything felt distant. Places, people, everything. But from up here, it was different. He’d never felt so connected to the rest of the world as he did looking down on it from above.
That was probably ironic, but it was hard to get past the sheer sense of awe to appreciate the irony.
“Are you staring out the window again?” Connor asked from behind him, startling Gabriel out of his thoughts.
“Like you never stare out the window,” Gabriel said, pushing away from it to give Connor room to look out as well.
“Itisbeautiful,” Connor said, moving beside Gabriel. He’d gotten the hang of microgravity a lot faster than Gabriel had.
Well, Gabriel still hadn’t quite gotten it at all. He wasn’t the most coordinated person who’d ever lived. Luckily, working for a private company meant he didn’t really need to pass a physical.
Otherwise he would never have gotten to go to space.
He hadn’t believed he was really going until the shuttle cleared for takeoff.
“This is my life’s work,” he said. “I deserve to enjoy it. I’ve been dreaming of this since I was in junior high.”
“I know. But I never asked what made you want it so bad.”
“I never felt at home on Earth,” Gabriel said, wondering if that was too honest. “I mean, I never really felt like I fit in.”
“Kind of like an alien?” Connor asked.
Gabriel nodded. “Kinda like an alien, yeah. And then I got obsessed with space, because what if Iwasan alien and I had to find a way to get back to my own people, who’d make me feel comfortable and happy? Obviously I’ve come to terms with being boringly human since, but…”
“But wanting to go to space stuck. I gotcha.” Connor nodded.
“Right, yeah. You never really told me why you wanted to go, either.”
Connor shrugged. “Seemed like a cool thing to do. Impress the kids. Give the wife something to be proud of.”
“She’s already extremely proud of you,” Gabriel pointed out, relieved that Connor hadn’t thought his reasons were strange. Or at least, hadn’t said so if he did.
“Yeah. Yeah, I really lucked out with her.” Connor smiled the same warm smile he always did when he talked about his family.
He looked like a really tough guy on the outside—he only had an inch or so on Gabriel, but he was broad-shouldered and bald-headed, with a few tattoos scattered around—but on the inside he was basically a human marshmallow. At least, when it came to the people he loved.
It must have been so nice to have people like that. People who he felt at home with.
“Everyone I’ve spoken to talks about how life-changing seeing it like this is, but I didn’t understand what they meant until I saw it for myself,” Gabriel said quietly.
“I thought maybe you were looking for someone special down there,” Connor joked. “Nothing like looking down on the planet to remind me of all the reasons I have to go back.”
Gabriel’s stomach clenched at that. Connor had a wife and two kids, all of whom looked at him like he was the most important thing in the world.
He didn’t want that, exactly, but he’d never been so jealous of another person as he was of Connor for what he had to look forward to when he got back to Earth. His children would run to him, wrap their arms around his legs as his wife approached, hugging him tight, welcoming him home.
There wouldn’t be anyone waiting for Gabriel. Once all the post-flight paperwork was over, he was taking a cab to the airport, and then a plane home.
And then another cab to his empty apartment, because he didn’t even have anyone he was close enough with to meet him there. Or at home. Or for a quiet coffee the next day.
