“I’m sure normal people would have been afraid. The Sam I know isn’t afraid of anything.”
“Not sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.”
“It’s a compliment,” Ben confirmed. “Normal is boring. I’m really glad you haven’t changed.”
Sam looked down at his cup. He had changed. Ben just hadn’t seen any of that yet, or noticed it.
Maybe it was better to get away before he did. Leave him with the impression of the indestructible man he once knew, instead of the damaged one he was now.
“Look at you, though,” Sam said, changing the subject. “Editor at a major publication. I didn’t think you were ever getting out of the bullpen with your attitude.”
Ben chuckled at that. “Luckily, Cocky was hiring for attitude. They actually approached me. I realize now that I was there for actual journalism cred, but it’s been a good five years. Well, mostly good. Also mostly stressful.”
“You wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t stressful. You live for stress,” Sam said. Ben was the most type-A person he’d ever met. If something wasn’t looming over him, he got unsettled and fidgety. He needed something to work on all the time.
Sam, on the other hand, was happy to take months off after a well-paying gig. When he’d lived in LA, he’d spent those months hanging out with Ben, whether Ben liked it or not.
He had eventually come to like it.
They’d both come to like it, which had been the beginning of the problem.
“I’m glad you’ve had time to accept that,” Ben said, holding his coffee cup close to his chest.
“I just want you to take a break one day,” Sam said. “You know. Before you die. Just so you find out what it’s like.”
“I actually did take a holiday once,” Ben responded.
Sam burst into laughter. Once. One holiday. In ten years.
Lots of things about Ben had changed, but lots of things had stayed the same. “Where did you go?”
“New Orleans. They wanted a reporter on the ground there, so I stuck my hand up.”
“That’s… not a holiday. That’s a work trip.” Sam blinked at him. He shouldn’t have expected anything different, but he’d been caught off-guard.
Ben shrugged, as though there was no difference between those two things. “It was a holiday for me.”
Sam chuckled again. Ben was never good at taking breaks. “Close enough, I guess.”
A surprisingly comfortable silence fell over the table, both men sipping their coffee quietly and people-watching. Well, Ben was people watching. Sam was taking the opportunity to watch Ben when he wasn’t looking.
He was falling in love all over again with everything Ben had become. With the comfortable way he held himself. With his slightly-too-long hair. With the way his smiles came easier these days.
That was a dangerous train of thought. Ben had moved on. Sam couldn’t be anything more than a background character in his life, now.
And that would kill him, so it was better for this to be goodbye. One last memory, just enough time together to determine that Ben was okay, and to fool Ben into thinking that he was okay, too.
Closure. That was what this would be.
They both deserved that. They were an unfinished chapter in each other’s lives, and while this wouldn’t exactly wrap everything up with a bow, it would markthe end.
Even if Ben didn’t know it yet.
Ben took out his phone for a moment, checking the time, and then tucked it back into his pocket. “I gotta get back. But I will text you soon, and we’ll have a real catch-up,” he said.
“Sure,” Sam agreed, smiling to hide the fact that he knew that wasn’t going to happen. He was going straight back to his hotel room to plan his getaway. “I enjoyed this, though.”
“Me too.” Ben stood, tucking his chair under the table neatly. He never liked to create any work for service staff. He went out of his way not to.
Sam waved at him as he walked away, wrapping his fingers around his coffee cup. It was a warm day outside, but he suddenly felt very, very cold.
