To Sam’s surprise, Ben reached out across the table and took his hand. “It’s been wonderful,” he said. “I’ve realized that I’d do anything to keep him.”
Annie’s expression changed, her eyes glinting. Ben had sold it to her.
Of course he was being more affectionate and attentive than usual. He was supposed to be afraid of losing Sam. That was natural behavior.
All the same, Sam hadn’t thought about that. He’d just been blindly jealous, and even though it was only for a split second, he could have blown the whole thing.
Maybe Ben had been right not to want to bring romance into the mix between them. Maybe his concern for his career had been justified, just not quite in the way Sam had imagined he feared for it.
He thought Ben was afraid that being out would mess up his opportunities—the second a reporter was gay, they were suddenly only allowed to report on gay interest news, after all, with very few exceptions.
But maybe he’d just been afraid that Sam himself would screw it up. That he was too intense, too clingy, too needy.
Sam’s stomach turned. He set his fork down, sickened by even the thought of eating.
If he lost Ben now, after knowing what it could have been like, where the hell would he go next? Could he spend the rest of his life running from an even worse heartbreak than the last time?
He watched Annie walk away with an uncomfortable bubble of fear filling his stomach.
“Sorry about that,” Sam said softly, still not making eye contact with Ben.
“Sorry about what?” Ben asked. Sam finally braved looking up at him to see him frowning, confused.
“I nearly blew the whole thing ‘cause I was jealous. I could have ruined everything.”
“You didn’t… wait, you were jealous?” Ben asked.
He didn’t sound upset. Sam wasn’t sure why, although he was beginning to think he’d been worrying about nothing.
It was just so hard to believe that he was finally getting everything he’d ever wanted.
“I know you’re not interested in her, but… yeah. Just for a second.” Sam cleared his throat. “I promise I’m not normally like that.”
At least, he wasn’t normally like that with other people. Ben, he was starting to see, was a different case. Ben meant the world to him.
“How about I promise that you never need to be?” Ben squeezed Sam’s hand, but didn’t let go of it. “And you didn’t even come close to blowing the whole thing. But if you had? That’d be okay.”
“It would?” Sam raised an eyebrow. He had no intention of screwing it up, but he’d never expected Ben to be okay with it if he did. Ben would have had every right to be mad at him.
“If all I come away from this weekend with is you, I’m happy,” Ben said. “Everything else… well, my lesson for the week is that if you’re patient enough, good things eventually happen. I’ll figure the rest out when the time comes.”
Despite his still-fading anxiety over having made a mess of everything, Sam chuckled. “You’ve changed so much,” he said. “The Ben I knew would have had a goddamn aneurysm if he’d thought someone was about to ruin a story for him.”
“The Ben you knew was young and stupid in just about every possible way,” Ben said.
“I still loved him,” Sam responded. “He can’t have been that bad.”
“Well, maybe not.” Ben cleared his throat. “But I have grown up a little. I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s perfect.” Sam smiled at him, the last of his worry fading. Like Ben said, they could figure the rest out when the time came.
