“Holy shit,” he said. “I’ve only ever seen people like that on TV.”
Sam chuckled at that. At least Ben was back to his normal self again.
“Right? I didn’t think people were that perky in real life.” Sam flopped back on the bed again. “So, what’s this activity?”
“I dunno,” Ben said. “Trust falls, probably. You feel like you could catch me?”
“Fall slowly,” Sam said. He had no intention of letting Ben get hurt, but it couldn’t hurt to tease him. “Or I might miss.”
“Hey, I can miss you, too,” Ben pointed out. “That’s why they’re called trust falls.” He opened the brochure he’d been given earlier and skimmed it, his eyes scanning back and forth quickly.
Ben’s reading speed had always been impressive to Sam. He’d be done with something before Sam had started to grasp the first few words.
“It says it’s a mystery.” Ben blinked at the page. “Wow. That’s literally it. Mystery activity.”
Sam laughed at that. “I love a good mystery.”
“Ooh, work is banned,” Ben said, pointing to the brochure. He offered it to Sam, showing him the little warning that cell phones and laptops were what they were supposed to be getting away from.
“And yet, there’s a wi-fi password.” Sam took out his phone to put it in so he’d have internet access.
“How else would people look up porn?” Ben asked.
“I was actually kinda hoping there’d be a collection of it here, but there’s no TV.”
“Why… why would you want that?” Ben raised an eyebrow.
“Entertainment value.” Sam sat up again. “I appreciated that they didn’t get flustered over us being a gay couple, by the way.”
“I’ll make sure that goes in the article,” Ben said, though he didn’t seem to understand that Sam was being genuine.
He’d never had to face what it was like when someone did get flustered. Even if they weren’t being malicious, it was jarring to be reminded that you were different. Sam had never felt different for being attracted to men internally. Other people, though, had made him feel that way on a regular basis since he came out.
Maybe Ben wouldn’t have to face that. Maybe he’d dodged that particular bullet.
Sam wasn’t sure the cost was worth it, though. How long had he been lying to himself? How many experiences had he missed out on? How alone had he felt?
Just thinking about it made his heart hurt.
“Hey, at least it’ssomethingto put in there, right?”
Ben hummed, sitting back down. He was so close right now, close enough to reach out and touch if Sam just extended his arm a little.
The temptation was there, but Sam couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wasn’t ready to face a rejection right now.
The fact that Ben was free and single didn’t mean he was interested. Didn’t mean he wouldn’t know he could do better than a man who’d limped home to lick his wounds and planned on begging and pleading to be taken back.
If Sam was sure begging and pleading would work, he wouldn’t have hesitated. Every time he looked at Ben, his heart ached for every minute he’d missed out on with him.
Pushing the thought aside, Sam sat up. “I’m gonna start unpacking, so if you wanted some closet space you might need to get in quick,” he joked.
“There’s probably some joke about not needing it anymore to be made, here,” Ben said. “But I don’t think I’m quite ready to make it.”
“I promise to laugh at it when you are,” Sam responded.
Maybe patience was what he needed this time. Maybe all he could do was wait and see if Ben was interested at all.
