Rex nudged his hand, encouraging Riley to pet him.
Like all the dogs Charlie and Scott took in, Rex seemed to be a good dog.
Riley had always thought that was more a reflection on Scott and Charlie than the dogs themselves. Dogs were a reflection of their humans, and no dog could ask for better humans than Scott and Charlie.
Riley poured two cups of coffee while Charlie was gone, then raided the cupboard for doggy treats to hand out. He knew they loved him anyway, but he liked to remind them that he was worth loving.
All Riley had ever wanted was to be loved.
Charlie returned with a glossy pamphlet in hand and shoved it at Riley, forcing him to take it.
Adoption & You, the title read.
“If you think for a single minute that I’m gonna buy your crap aboutchildrenbeing why you’re not staying for Brent, then I’m insulted by how stupid you think I am.”
Riley turned the pamphlet over in his hand, shocked by how neatly Charlie had cut through the lies he was telling himself.
Charlie had grown up a lot more like him than he’d expected. A lot more like their mom.
She would have been proud of him for this.
“I’m scared, okay?” Riley admitted, his excuses crumbling in front of him. “If I want Brent, I have to stay. I haven’t been still for more than a few months in more than ten years. What if I can’t do it? What if I tell Brent how I feel and then next week I can’t stay anymore?”
“Does Brent make you feel like that? Like you couldn’t stay?” Charlie asked.
“No.” Riley looked down at his mug of coffee. “Where’s Scott?”
“Sleeping,” Charlie said. “Don’t change the subject. You’re not twelve.”
Riley wet his lips.
Sometimes, he felt twelve. This was one of those times.
“You’ve loved Brent all your life, haven’t you?” Charlie asked. “I mean… it’s not exactly a secret.”
“It’s meant to be,” Riley responded. “If he knew how I felt…”
“Then he’d know how you feel,” Charlie said. “And maybe he’d surprise you. Or maybe you already know that he loves you, too, and you’re just making excuses to save yourself from having to actually feel your feelings.”
Riley looked up at Charlie. His words felt like a physical slap.
He was right.
Riley was great at smiling and laughing in the face of anything, but he hated tofeelthings. Feelings were terrifying.
Love was the most terrifying of all. Loving someone gave them so much power to hurt you that just the thought of it made him anxious.
Brent would never have hurt him on purpose, but knowing he didn’t feel the same way would shatter Riley’s world. He’d always been in love with Brent. It was all he knew.
“Brent doesn’t love me the way I want him to love me, or he wouldn’t have let me go,” Riley said.
That was the part that stung. That was what he was running from right now. It wasn’t a rejection, but it sailed so close to it that Riley already wanted to go and hide somewhere far away.
He was a runner. He always ran when the going got tough.
Everyone was quick to tell him how brave he was for living on the road. Little did they know that he was the biggest coward of them all.
“Or,” Charlie began. “He thinks you wanted to leave, and he’s kind of a doormat. I like Brent, butassertiveisn’t a word I’d associate with him. If you’re afraid to tell him how you feel, imagine what this must be like for him.”
