Chapter Eleven
Riley sighed happily as he relaxed back into the warm water, smiling as his toes brushed against Brent’s leg.
Neither of them had felt the need to wear anything, which Riley was quietly excited about. He liked the idea that Brent was comfortable being naked around him.
It would all be over once they got home, but for now, Riley was happy to enjoy what they had. He was never going to get the chance to show Brent the love he had for him like this again.
Walking away from this without regrets was all Riley wanted right now.
He’d worry about the resulting broken heart later. He’d been through plenty of those, he knew how to handle them by now.
“This is the life,” Brent said, stretching his arms out along the sides of the tub. “I know you’re sick of me saying thank you, but thank you. Seriously.”
Riley chuckled. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. All I want to do is help.”
“This is helping,” Brent said. “I… I’m starting to feel like everything worked out for the best, y’know? I wanted to settle down, maybe get a dog or something, but… I’m starting to think I was making a mistake, and I’d rather know that now than in six months or three years or whatever.”
“I know a dog guy, if you’re still interested in one,” Riley said automatically.
Scott’s habit of jumping in and offering a dog every time someone mentioned them was rubbing off on him.
“Dog guy?” Brent raised an eyebrow.
“Charlie’s boyfriend. No, Charlie’sfiancé. I’m still not used to that. Charlie’s twelve years old as far as I’m concerned.”
The passage of time had been strange since Riley left home to explore the world at eighteen. His siblings seemed to have grown up around him, but most of the time, he still felt like a kid.
He often wondered if that was a common experience.
“Do you feel thirty?” Riley asked, looking up at Brent.
“I’m twenty-nine for another couple of months.”
“Do you feelalmostthirty, then?” Riley knew exactly when Brent’s birthday was—he made a point of at least mailing him a gift, if not showing up on his doorstep for it. He just didn’t necessarily know what today was.
Time was weird.
“Kinda?” Brent shrugged. “I dunno. Sometimes I feel ninety. Sometimes I feel twenty-one. Sometimes I feel twelve. And every now and then I feel like I’ve got everything under control, andthatfeels like almost thirty.”
Riley nodded thoughtfully, taking that in. “I feel like an eighteen-year-old no one ever cards. I feel like I’m wearing adulthood as a costume.”
“I feel like that sometimes, too,” Brent agreed. “Adulthood is hard. But I feel as though I’ve learned a lot. Or at least, maybe I’m old enough to look back and see how much I’ve learned.”
“I’m not sure I learned anything,” Riley said. “I keep making the same mistakes over and over.”
“What mistakes?” Brent asked, raising an eyebrow.
Riley’s heart leapt into his throat as he realized that he’d been talking about Brent. He was making the same mistake with Brent, again. Letting too much of his heart show, not protecting it well enough from the inevitable hurt when he realized,again, that Brent was better off without him.
No one needed an unreliable manchild in their life, least of all Brent. He had a sister to take care of. A family of his own to start.
As they got older, Riley was becoming more and more of a lodestone around his neck.
“Nothing major,” Riley responded. “Stupid stuff like screwing up my sleep patterns, drinking coffee too late in the day… that kind of thing. I never learn.” He smiled wryly, hoping Brent wouldn’t realize he’d been talking about anything else.
On the side of the tub, his phone vibrated in the zip lock bag he’d put it in, saving him from having to expand on his answer.
He’d been waiting to hear back from Jacinta after thanking her for the use of the cabin and updating her on their stay.
