Instead of responding, Seth rolled over to face Oz, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Go to sleep,” he murmured, hoping that Oz wouldn’t notice how close to tears he was.
If he started crying now, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop.
Oz opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it again along with his eyes. Seth swallowed, watching the devastation on his face, and hated himself for causing it.
It might have been better if he waited for Oz to fall asleep and left, never to be heard from again. He was too greedy for that, though. He needed these last few, precious hours too much to give any of them up.
Instead, he reached out to stroke Oz’s hair, smiling a sad smile as Oz pushed his head into the touch like a cat would.
Seth’s heart constricted so painfully that he thought for a moment it might give out on him.
For a moment, he almost wished it would.
When he was sure Oz was asleep, he curled up beside him, resting his head as close to his chest as possible so he could hear his heartbeat.
“I love you, too,” he whispered, feeling a tear fall after all.
At least he’d always have this.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Dread had settled in the pit of Oz’s stomach, and no amount of telling himself not to focus on it would make it go away.
Seth was going home. He knew, without having to ask. All of yesterday they’d avoided the subject, pretended that they weren’t in any rush, that nothing was looming on the horizon, but now…
The air in his apartment had changed. He could feel tension rolling off Seth, see it in the set of his shoulders.
He put a stack of pancakes down in the middle of the kitchen table, not expecting to eat any of them.
“Pancakes.” Oz did his best to smile, but he knew he wasn’t playing along very well.
He was stupid to think that Seth would havewantedto stay with him, but he’d caught a glimpse of what that might be like this weekend. Cuddles and soft laughter and an easy, calm mood between them, like this was how it had always been. Would always be.
“Thank you,” Seth said, picking one off the stack and putting it on his plate.
Not eating it, though. He didn’t even try to take a bite.
It was small comfort that Seth was as upset as Oz was. More upset, maybe, if he wasn’t eating.
“We can’t do this anymore,” Seth continued, after a few moments of staring at his pancake.
Oz took a deep breath, bracing himself. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Seth raised an eyebrow. “Just okay? You haven’t got anything else to say?”
“What do you want me to say?” Oz asked, trying to keep his voice calm.
He wasn’t calm. On the inside, he was panicking, screaming, desperate to do something about this. But it wasn’t his place to do anything about it.
He’d made the offer. He’d told Seth he could stay.
Maybe Seth just needed to hear that again. He could only try.
“You could stay here,” he said, without giving Seth a chance to speak up again. “I’m as serious about that now as I was the first time, as I always have been. There’s room for you here. Not even as my boyfriend, or whatever, if you don’t want that. But as my friend, my home is your home.”
Oz knew it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t offer anythinglikewhat Seth’s father could, and that was the real issue here, wasn’t it? Seth was choosing between two men, and one of them was a whole lot better for his future than the other.
