That was a bare-faced lie, but the truth seemed impolite.
“Bullshit,” the other guy said, apparently not fooled for a second. “I dunno who you’re thinking about, but I sure hope you’re going home to him with a look like that on your face.”
Oz blushed, unsure exactly how his face had looked.
He missed Seth. There was no point in pretending to himself that he didn’t.
But Seth had made it clear that he wasn’t interested in anything serious, and even if he was, they lived at opposite ends of the country. Any kind of relationship wasn’t really an option.
That didn’t stop Oz fromwantingone.
He’d come out tonight fully intending to pick someone else up and forget all about Seth, but now that he’d tried it, he’d been ignoring the poor guy.
“You’re right, and you don’t deserve me lying to you.” Oz shifted on the bar stool, playing with his half-full glass of whiskey. He couldn’t even be bothered drinking. “I came here to get over someone, but I guess that’s not happening.”
“If he makes you look like that, you’re not getting over him anytime soon,” the guy said. Oz wished he could remember his name. It seemed too late to ask now, especially since he’d already been caught miles away.
He hated to be rude like that.
“Don’t tell me that,” Oz said, sighing heavily. “I can’t have him.”
“Why not?”
That was a good question, one that had a million half-assed answers and no concrete one. They came from different worlds. Seth’s life path was already set, and he didn’t really sound like he wanted to change it. Oz couldn’t give him what he needed. Anything between them would always have to end, no matter what.
“It won’t last,” Oz said. That was the thing, wasn’t it? The best he could hope for was an on-again, off-again fling where they got together when they were both in the same city.
Seth had probably already moved on. Oz didn’t blame him for that. He seemed to have a healthy grasp of how casual sex was supposed to work, even if he’d had some disappointing partners.
Oz, apparently, couldn’t handle the concept of casual sex anymore.
His college-age self would have been disgusted by that. He’d promised himself back then that he was never going to let himself be tied down, not for anyone.
Since then, he’d grown up. Maybe a little too much, considering.
“So?” The guy shrugged. “There’s never any guarantee that anything’s forever. Might as well be happy now.”
Oz looked up, meeting the other man’s eyes for a moment. He was everything he’d normally go for, attractive, well-groomed, but with a general air of fun about him.
There was just absolutely no real interest on Oz’s side. He knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was more than a thousand miles away.
Maybe…
No. No, it was stupid to think that Seth would even be interested in him coming up for the weekend. If nothing else, Oz knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t like the desperation.
Besides, it wasn’t like he wanted more sex. Or, no, he did want more sex, but he wanted other things, too. He wanted to sit on the couch and watch terrible reality TV with Seth. He wanted to have lunch with him in a quiet coffee shop that served avocado on toast. He wanted…
God, he wanted a boyfriend. He wanted Seth to be his boyfriend.
“That’s probably great advice,” Oz said, wishing he could shove all of his stupid feelings aside and hang out with this guy instead, maybe take him home. He seemed smart.
Much smarter than Oz felt, right now.
“You should take it.” The other man knocked back the remainder of his drink as he stood, apparently done waiting to see if Oz was going to snap out of it. “You’ll feel better.”
Oz watched him go, wondering if he maybe should have tried to make it up to him. The guy hadn’t seemed all that upset, but still.
He waited until he saw the guy pick out someone else to try his luck with, then flagged down the bartender to send them their next round on him. Hopefully, that would serve as enough of an apology for wasting his time.
