“Okay.” Danny shrugged, getting out both to add them to his own cup. He didn’t understand how people could drink black, unsweetened coffee.
“Some of us had to get up at five a.m. this morning,” Eliot said, by way of explanation.
“Oh, so you know my schedule?” Danny raised an eyebrow.
Eliot’s mouth fell open. “How do you survive?”
“I roll out of bed, go for a run, grab breakfast, shower, and then… well, today I do this.” He waved between them. “Other days I just get on with whatever else I’m doing.”
“You lost me at ‘run’,” Eliot said. “Sounds like work.”
Danny laughed at that. “It is work. When I was younger, I could get away with sleeping until noon most days and showing up to practice ten minutes late.”
“You’re not exactly old.” Eliot scribbled something on his notepad.
“Thanks,” Danny said. “But it turns out you kinda peak at twenty-five.”
“Shit, I hope not. I just turned twenty-six.” Eliot smiled wryly. “Uh, so, going back to the interview, what’s it been like to be in the closet for so long?”
Danny’s stomach dropped again. He’d just been starting to relax.
“I’m sorry, I have to ask,” Eliot said. “I can’t imagine how hard it’s been.”
Danny swallowed. “I get it,” he said. Eliot was just doing his job. It was easier saying this to someone who understood.
He just didn’t really want to think about it.
“It’s been hard,” Danny said, staring down at his coffee. “I’ve missed out on a lot because of it. Community. Long-term relationships. I never got to feel like anyone ever really knew me. It’s been lonely.”
He looked up to see Eliot looking at him sympathetically. Normally, he would have resented that. He didn’t need anyone’s pity.
It was different coming from Eliot, though. More sincere. He actually looked like he was ready to cry for Danny.
Danny had done plenty of crying for himself, he didn't need anyone else doing it.
“Well, you’re very attractive, so the community will embrace you with open arms now,” Eliot said. “You’re exactly the kind of poster boy we love.”
“I don’t wanna be a poster boy,” Danny said. “Or a role model or anything else. I’m human and flawed and all of that. I just… I want to be visible. I don’t want to hide anymore.”
Eliot nodded, scrawling illegible notes as Danny talked. “Of course. You’re not coming out to be anyone’s hero. It’s a very personal decision.”
“Yeah,” Danny agreed. “Yeah, it is, which is why it’s weird that I’m even talking to you. I didn’t plan on coming out. I just got so tired of everyone assuming I was straight, y’know? And I snapped and couldn’t take it. My manager has me in damage control mode. Damage control. Like the worst thing I could possibly be is gay. You know what makes me mad? If I’d assaulted a woman, I’d be getting high-fived by some people right now. That’s so wrong. But gay? Oh, better make sure everyone doesn’t hate you.”
Danny paused to take a breath, and then realized he probably shouldn’t be saying all this. It was being recorded, and like Eliot said—there was no such thing as off-the-record with a reporter.
“I’ll rephrase that for you when I print it,” Eliot said. “Not that I disagree with any of it, just that I think you realize that was the opposite of damage control.”
“Belatedly, yeah.” Danny sighed. “This is why I don’t normally give interviews.”
“Is there anything else you particularly want to talk about?” Eliot asked. “Consider this me shoving a soapbox toward you.”
“I just… I hope that one day people can be out at the start of their sports careers. I hope they don’t have to live like I have, always afraid that someone who knows will tell. Always afraid someone’s gonna find out. I want it not to be a big deal, because it’s really not a big deal.”
“You’ve thought about this a lot, huh?”
Danny nodded. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I don’t wanna be mad about what I’ve had to do to get to where I am, but I’m not thrilled either, y’know?”
“I know,” Eliot agreed.
