“There is nothing to forgive, Sheriff Logan. You’re entitled to how you feel and my family was wrong to thrust me upon you yesterday. Of course you would wish to make yourself clear,veryclear, to prevent any misunderstanding. Believe me, I know just where you stand. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
She didn’t wait for a reply, but turned around in a swirl of mauve skirt and white petticoat and went inside.
To stand for a moment with her back against the door, all of her students looking at her curiously, while she felt her heart was about to pound its way out of her chest.
Why, oh, why had he gone and smiled at her? Why did he have to be the handsomest man she’d ever seen? Why was everything suddenly so confusing when last night, it had all been so hopelessly clear?
She tried to regain her composure even as she heard the creaking of his leather saddle when he mounted Blaze.
“Miss Hagen, while you’re standing there, I’ll be waiting when school is done with the buckboard to give you and Emily a ride home. It’s going to be another hot day, and I don’t want a recurrence of what happened last week. Does that suit you?”
“Fine, Sheriff, fine!”
To her amazement, she thought she heard a chuckle…something she had never heard from Joshua before.
“A good day to you, then.”
She didn’t answer, but smoothed her skirt and squared her shoulders and walked briskly to the front of the class.
* * *
“Good morning, Sheriff. Anything I can do for you?”
Joshua shook his head at Old Man Beckham, disappointed that he wouldn’t be alone in the cemetery while he visited his wife’s grave. He dismounted and walked toward the neatly tended stone, grateful nonetheless for the undertaker’s care and tending of the grounds. Posies of fragrant wildflowers dotted the more recent graves, including his wife’s, which made Joshua say over his shoulder, “Thank you for the flowers.”
“It’s no trouble, Sheriff. I like to keep things looking nice…even for the worst of them out here. Just pounded in a wooden cross for Cormac Sutherland. Not sure if heaven’s where he’s headed, but everyone deserves a marker. I’ll leave you alone now with Mary.”
Joshua nodded, waiting until the undertaker had climbed into his buggy and driven away before he took off his hat and bowed his head.
Shame filled him that he hadn’t come out more often, and he wasn’t sure why he’d awoken with such a compelling sense that he needed to visit her today, but here he was. He sank to his haunches to prop the flowers against her stone and gaze at the simple epitaph.
Remembered with Love
Had he, though? His throat tightening as fresh remorse swept over him, he shifted onto his knees and splayed his hand on top of the stone. A wetness stung his eyes as he thought of all the anger, all the pain, and most of all, his wretched stubbornness that had helped to lay her in an early grave.
“Forgive me, Mary. Forgive me…”
A sudden flash of memory came to him again…or was it from a dream?
Mary has forgiven you, but you must forgive her, too.
He gripped the stone all the tighter, her last words flooding back to him, yet such compassion suddenly filled his heart for everything she had suffered that they held no sting. Tears streaked his face, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I forgive you, Mary. God rest you forever. I forgive you.”
He could not say how long he knelt there, his forehead resting against the stone, when he thought he heard an answering whisper like the lightest breeze.
Be happy, Joshua. God bless you…
* * *
“Do you have any questions, Davy?” Ingrid asked, using a cloth to erase the sums she’d written for him on the slate board she’d brought from school. When he shook his head, she smiled at him. “You did very well today. I’m glad to see that you’re walking better on your crutches, too.”
“I practiced in the house with Inez,” he murmured, though then he sighed. “I wish I could go to school again. I miss my friends.”
“They miss you, too, but you’ll be joining them in no time, I’m sure of it.” She reached out and squeezed his hand when he still looked dejected. “I’ll leave the slate board with you so you can practice your sums, all right? Hmm…and how about a lemon candy stick?”
Davy perked up so fast that Ingrid couldn’t help laughing, the boy grinning from ear to ear as she pulled out the treat from the basket she used for school items and handed it to him. “Not before supper, though.”
