She might not have supported my choices over the years, but she’s slowly grown to accept that I’m not going to follow the path she was forcing me down.
Her flying across the country proves that people can change for the better.
Or at least try.
Maybe she’ll never fully understand, but for now, having her here is enough.
I have faith that we’ll be in a much better place over time.
As for Daddy, I didn’t even ask where he was, and I couldn’t care less.
The last few times I’ve flown home during the summer, he’s been less and less present.
When he was home, he’d been crueler to Mama in ways I’d never seen in the past.
Mama had never been afraid to stick up for herself, bossing everyone around, but at some point that changed, and I miss that version of her.
I almost hate to admit it, but I’d rather have a bossy mama over the shell of a woman she is when he’s around.
My attention is pulled to the other side of the table, where my brother sits with Addie, Leo, Camila, and Rosa.
Mama hasn’t said much to them. I’m unsure if she disapproves of my loving, wild, New York family or feels like an interloper, but in my twenty-three years, I’ve never seen her so quiet.
I’m beyond grateful they all flew out to see me get my diploma this morning. I never expected it, especially from Rosa and Leo. I knew the girls would come, but to have the other two here warms my heart, knowing they still love me, even after this past year.
A pang of sadness that hasn’t left me since last May creeps in without permission.
Nate.
He was part of my journey just as much as I was until he ruined it all.
I hate him for doing this to us,to me.
And I hate that I thought he’d call.
I’m not sure I would have taken the call, but still, it would have been nice to know he ever cared.
Not once has he reached out since we broke up.
It took Addie almost three times to finish my makeup, unable to hold back the tears, not just of sadness but also of anger, that even after all this time, he still affects me so much.
I resent Nathaniel Davenport.
For making me fall in love with him, for acting like he cared, for playing me for a fool, for having me look at apartments to buy, for painting a future that I wanted so much.
Just thinking about it hurts.
He ruined everything for me. It broke me into pieces so much that I turned down my dream internship for something less impressive in Atlanta.
It’s where I’ve taken a one-year contract for now.
The plan is to still move to New York, in time.
When I feel healed enough to stand on my own.
New York is a big city, but the architecture circle is not, and there’s no doubt I’d run into Nate, and my heart is still too beaten and battered to endure any more heartbreak.
I would never recover.
