He should feel ashamed. I trusted him with my whole heart.
“I’m sorry, Mads. I truly thought it was for the best. My only wish was for you to succeed and have the independence you’ve always wanted. You couldn’t do that with me as your partner.”
“Who said that’s what I wanted?” I throw my hands up. “The funny thing about all this is you wanted me to gain independence, yet you took it all away. You took away my ability to choose the path of my own life.” I aggressively wipe the tears that are now flowing freely from my eyes. “Growing up, I never had a choice, but I thought you truly saw and respected me. You’re just as bad as them.”
“Please don’t say that.” He shakes his head violently, as if trying to reject the thought itself. “It’s not true. I knew you would never agree, that’s why I left you. I was protecting you the only way I knew how.”
“God, I’m sick of all this protecting bullshit!”
He flinches at my choice of wording. “I don’t know what to say anymore.” His voice rises. “Would you rather say I wanted nothing to do with you? Well, guess what? I’ve been dead inside since you, so that would be a fucking lie. Maybe I did it because I cared more about you than anyone else, or maybe I did it because no one ever stood up for me, no one ever made me a fucking priority. No one protected me until Rosa, so I’m sorry if I cared too much for you and made the hard decisions.”
I go still, slowly turning my attention to Nate as he storms off onto the terrace.
In all the years we were together, we never dug deep into his past. Looking back, it was foolish. I was young and naive and thought sweeping things under the rug was okay because I never wanted to hurt his feelings or see him upset.
This is the first time I’ve seen him so visibly distressed and vulnerable about it.
“Nate,” I quietly murmur as I follow him out. “You can’t be upset with me, because I know nothing about your past. Explain it to me.”
He’s lying on the lounger, his arm thrown over his eyes. “I think this night has been depressing enough.”
I hesitate, not wanting to push too far, but that’s got me nowhere in the past. “I think tonight is the night to confess everything. It’s the perfect time to get everything all out in the open. Talk to me, Nate. You can trust me.”
His arm lowers, but his focus is straight ahead on the Brooklyn Bridge.
“I’m fucked up, Madeline.” Time slows when he turns his attention back to me. His eyes, even as the moon shines down on them, are dark and despondent. “You really want to know all about that?”
“I do,” I whisper.
He blows out a breath. “I was neglected and mentally abused as a child. The only reason the cycle stopped was because Rosa broke into my parents’ house and saved me. She was arrested that night, but she took a chance no matter the consequences. From that night forward, I vowed to be just like her and do whatever it takes to protect the people I love.”
18
Nate
I sit up abruptly,turning away from Maddie, unwilling to see even a flicker of pity in her expression.
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” I mutter. “My past isn’t an excuse for ending it how I did. I take full responsibility.”
She circles the lounger and bends until we’re eye to eye. “Nathaniel,” she says, barely above a whisper.
“I mean it.” I move my gaze to the skyline. “Forget I said anything.”
Her hands cup my cheeks, tilting my face down to hers.
For a moment, I let myself relish this feeling, with Maddie’s hands on me and the intensity of her gaze.
It’s everything I’ve wished for for years.
Only now, it feels different.
“Now’s the time to talk,” she pleads, her voice cracking. “I wish you’d confided in me years ago, but I understand maybe you weren’t ready. I’m here now.”
I swallow hard. “I wanted to. But I buried that part of my life deep down. I’m shocked at myself, saying it out loud.”
She rises, reaching for my hand. I don’t hesitate, naturally intertwining our fingers.
“Let’s sit over here.” She maneuvers us to the couches in the corner, which has me spinning in the other direction.
