The second I learned Claudina was born, only one short month ago, I wanted to book a plane ticket to visit and help take care of her. However, all the times I suggested never worked for Camila.
Her family from Spain was there.
Another time, a college roommate was visiting, and she didn’t want them to share her time with me. And then it was too late—she died.
I should have known something was off.
I’ve since learned that no one was ever visiting because she didn’t want anyone to know she was sick.
“Don’t do that, Maddie Grace. Trust me, if you start with that shit, it will eat you alive.” He smiles at Claudina, and my tears fall fast as I hold the baby close to my chest.
“The distance between us was my fault…I never wanted it, I don’t know what I was thinking.”That I had more time.
I lift the collar of my dress and duck my head to cover my face, not wanting to make a scene.
It’s selfish of me to do this today, of all days. It’s not about me, but for some reason, I can’t hold back my feelings.
My mind is like an ongoing movie reel, the nonstop onslaught of emotions and memories flooding my mind every second since finding out she is gone has been constant.
I can’t stop the guilt eating me alive, that if I had put my issues aside, she would have told me. She would have confided in me like she always did in the past.
“I need some space.”The words I spoke not long ago haunt me, and I will never forgive myself for them.
“Hey…”
I wipe my face quickly, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry, Harrison. I just loved her so much.”
“And she loved you just as much, Maddie. It’s why she made you Claudina’s godmother.”
My body stills, shocked at his words. I look up at Harrison through my glassy eyes to see his emotions match mine.
“What did you just say?”
“If you accept, that is?”
“Are you kidding?” I glance down and take in Camila’s twin. “It would be the biggest honor of my whole life. I can’t believe she picked me.”
“She considered you a sister. You know that.”
I nod, whispering, “Same.”
I open my mouth to speak, the truths of my misery wanting to escape, but Harrison is quicker.
“What did I say? Don’t do it, Maddie. Shit happens in life…you needed a break from the family. She understood that more than anyone. You need to give yourself some grace.”
That’s not going to happen.
We’re interrupted; it’s time to sit and say our goodbyes.
Harrison takes Claudina and walks around through the pews to the front and sits beside Rosa.
My eyes wander, looking for Mase. He’s sitting in the row behind Leo and the rest of their family.
I make my way toward him when I stop short, struck by two large photos of Camila that stand proud at the altar.
Too consumed with the baby, I didn’t notice them till now.
She’s younger in one, probably around the time I met her, and in the other, she’s propped up holding Claudina.
