The emotional damage finally took its toll on me, and I needed help.
It’s not been easy staying true to my decision when my eyes close at night, snuggled in bed, wrapped in my dad’s sweatshirt, missing Harrison’s arms around me.
All I see is the image of his haunted expression.
The tears in his eyes.
The disappointment.
All puncturing my heart deeper and deeper as the days went by.
He’d never cried before, even when he spoke about Camila, yet I hurt him so badly, he couldn’t hold back.
“Don’t leave me…don’t leave us,”he cried, his devastated eyes begging me to stay.
Should I have let it play out and hoped Seb came around? Did I make a mistake giving them space?
There’s no way I could live with myself if he didn’t.
I would constantly worry that Harrison resented me for the fallout of his brotherhood, and worst of all, I’d be concerned that the distance between them would hurt the rest of the family, mostly Claudina.
Those thoughts, on top of the constant blame I put on myself, weren’t healthy, and I see that now with the support of my therapist.
I’ve seen her four times in only one week, and it’s helped tremendously.
She went back to the beginning, when Dad suddenly got sick, and reminded me that from then on, a series of tragedies unfolded, each weaving its own web into one significant heartache. Those tragedies transpired in such a short amount of time making it natural for my mind to struggle when bombarded with these challenges.
She assured me it was perfectly normal and that I was not alone, constantly validating my feelings. Since then, we’ve been working on restructuring my outlook, specifically surrounding the attempted kidnapping. The events that happened don’t define me; they aren’t my fault, and healing is a gradual process.
Something she mentioned that has stuck with me most is that if I don’t have self-compassion, I’ll never move on from my past. Apparently, I easily understand others and give grace when needed, but not with myself.
Maybe that’s true…I don’t know.
All I know is even with all this new self-discovery, I’m miserable without Harrison.
I want to call Seb myself and tell him to get his head out of his ass and realize I’m a good person and that he’s putting a strain on both Harrison and Claudina.
I’ve spoken to her every night, and she’s devastated I’m not there. She doesn’t understand what’s going on; she thinks I’m at my mom’s to let my injury heal.
It’s true in a way, but I can hear how much she misses me in her voice.
Mom, unsurprisingly, has been by my side every step of the way. I’m not sure she understood why I walked away from Harrison, especially since I told her my future was with him, but she still supported me full-heartedly.
When I explained that sometimes you need to heal yourself before you give yourself to another, I think she finally got it.
Believe it or not, my other biggest supporter has been my uncle Philip. He visits every morning before work and walks with me in the park, even on the days I don’t want to get up. He forces me to get out of bed and distracts me with stories of him and Dad, his kids, and life in general.
When he saw the incident on the news, he was at the apartment within the hour of my hospital release. Every local news outlet and newspaper had it running—billionaire baby nearly kidnapped.
No one could miss it.
Well…besides Becks.
The night before the accident, while we were at the Sunday dinner with Rosa and Javier, she got a call to be ready first thing in the morning. She was taking the place of a sick employee on a three-week work trip to Hong Kong.
Un-freaking-lucky for me.
“Juliette, my love.” My mom knocks on the door, thankfully interrupting my thoughts, holding my phone in her hand. “It’s been going off nonstop.”
