Yeah, wife,I think.Fiancée even.
“Nope. You’re my boyfriend.” I wiggle in his lap and feel him grow against my center. “I’m loving life right now, Harrison.”
He stills my movements before I can grind my hips down. “Trust me, me too. However, we still need to discuss last night.”
“No,” I say more sternly than I mean to, but it’s the last thing I want to do with the high I’m feeling right now.
“Not an option, Jules. We need to work out whatever you’re going through because what I saw was a buildup of something, and it’s not the first time.”
I hate that he’s right.
“I don’t want to burst my happy bubble, H. My heart is so happy right now.”
He kisses my temple, holding his lips against my skin. “Mine too, baby, but we deserve a fresh start, which means working through things together, not separately.”
When I don’t begin, he rubs my back encouragingly, and finally, I let it all out.
“I feel like I’m going to burst,” I whisper. “Everything keeps piling up, and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s like suddenly I woke up, and I’m living someone else’s life.” Admitting it out loud is hard. “Yesterday was a rude awakening that if I put my issues in the back of my mind, for no matter how long, they don’t go away. I had a breakdown at the beginning of the week, too.”
“What’s weighing you down, baby? I hate seeing you like this.”
“I’ve never told anyone how I feel, not even Becks,” I whisper as he continuously rubs my back in support. “It started with Dad’s death, and it’s been a trickle of events ever since.” I scrunch up my eyes in an attempt to get rid of the pain. “That night, my mom called me to come home. I told her I’d be there soon, but time got away from me. I made it only ten minutes before Dad died. I could have spent the whole night with him, but instead, I was at the studio fighting with Hunter.” My stomach turns. I feel sick even thinking of this. “For months after, I was angry with Mom when I should have been consoling her. I blamed her for not trying harder to get in touch with me.” I lean back to look at Harrison. “What kind of person does that? Especially when I don’t blame her at all.”
His sad eyes take mine. “One who is grieving, Juliette.”
I shake my head, not allowing myself off the hook so easily. “No. Mom and I are a team, and I should never have acted that way. I was so angry. I put everything I had into dance, more than ever before, and for what? I ruined that, too.”
He kisses my temple again. “You were hit by a taxi. That’s not your fault.”
“I wasn’t paying attention. If I had been, maybe I could have avoided it. The night I got hit was the opening night ofThe Sleeping Beauty, a part I was so proud to have gotten, andnot because I was the lead role. I grew up watching the movie with Dad, and he never complained, even if I asked to watch it repeatedly. After my performance, I stayed back before meeting my family and friends at my celebratory dinner. I wanted time alone to talk to him, even though my mom begged me to leave with her. I was so lost in my mind that I wasn’t paying attention when I left. None of this would have happened if I had gone with Mom. I would still be dancing, pursuing my dream. Instead, I’m a baker.”
Harrison pushes me back to look at my face. “You don’t like being a baker?”
I shrug. “I do. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I love it. I know I wouldn’t have picked it as my career though. Recently I realized there’s no going back, this is it for me, and it all hit me harder than expected.”
“Going back from where? You’re twenty-four, Jules. You have a whole life ahead of you. You can do whatever you want.”
“Whatever I want is not an option. We don’t all have the privilege of money, Harrison,” I snap, taking my frustrations out on him. “Wouldn’t it be nice if I could open my own dance studio, all while running the bakery with a full staff? To pay the asking rent so we don’t need to move. Hell, to buy the place. Sadly, that’s not a reality for most people.”
He ignores my rant. “Does your mom know you’re unhappy?”
“I’m not exactly unhappy. I could be doing much worse.” I rub my temples. “Even if I had time to teach dance on the side, who knows if I even would. I haven’t danced ballet since that night, and yesterday was a stark reminder.”
“Now you have me, Juliette. Let it all go so I can shoulder some of your pain, baby.”
God, I love this man. I really do.
He can be so sweet when he wants to be.
I idly rub my fingers through his hair, taking comfort in his words.
Suddenly, just from one sentence, I feel freer than ever, and yesterday doesn’t seem all that important anymore. “The end-of-summer dance surprise was for the children to meet the New York City Ballet’s principal dancers. Hunter and all the others were there, and I might have a bit of a panic attack.”
He stills below my touch. “What happened? I’m going to fucking kill that guy.”
“Calm down. Nothing bad, honestly. It was my first time seeing my replacement, Annalise, and a lot of chatter was going on. I think it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I snapped.” I think for a moment. “You know, it was my first true time dealing with my accident. Everyone walks on eggshells about it because they know how upset I get. I’m okay now, though…I can’t promise it won’t happen again. Today, I feel lighter after it, like I can breathe with you here by my side.”
He leans forward and kisses my bare shoulder. “I want to help you through this, Jules. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it.”
