“You’re right, sorry.” He squeezes me tight. “I’m all worked up now.”
“Explain to me, in your eyes, what happened with your dad. Maybe we can make something out of it since we haven’t discussed it since we were younger.”
He moans his annoyance but doesn’t hold back. “My mom has always been a nightmare, we all know that, so there’s no real shock that she was the worst mom on the planet. Until Sadie was a toddler, and I was maybe seven or so, my dad was present like any other good dad.” He pauses. “I don’t remember everything, but I remember the small things that suddenly stopped.”
“Like what?”
“He stopped showing up for my baseball games, no more ice cream dates or movie nights. He didn’t bring me to the first day of school, leaving Maria, our nanny, to do it. He would dismiss me without looking at me. He—”
His voice catches.
I take his arms and hold them tight around me. “It’s okay, Jack.”
“H-he stopped saying he loved me, and I’m not sure I ever heard him say it to Sadie.”
My heart drops. This is the worst story.
I lean my head back against him, taking a deep breath to calm myself. Needing to be strong for him.
“I remember trying so hard,” he whispers. “No matter what I did, it was like I never existed… like I was nothing more than a burden.”
“It’s why you never wanted a relationship before.”
“Ha, yeah. I don’t need a psychologist to tell me that one. Jackson Peters: fear of commitment. Check.”
I turn to face him, straddling him as best I can in the cramped tub. “Do you feel better after talking about it?”
“No.”
“When was the last time you saw or spoke to him?” I ask, because as much as I hate this for him, it still seems so out of the blue.
“I saw him briefly after Charlotte was born. You know, when my mom disowned Sadie? Before that, who knows.”
I shake my head in disgust. “I hate that woman.”
“Yeah, you and me both, B.”
“We may be fucked up in the relationship department because of our dads, but maybe that’s part of why we’re meant to be together. Maybe our trauma cancels one another’s out. I was always scared of another man ripping my heart out of my chest like my dad, and you have commitment issues, afraid to be left behind again.”
“I don’t have issues anymore.” He holds me close, taking a deep breath. “I won’t rip your heart out, I promise, sweetheart, and I trust you.”
My heart freefalls.
“That means more to me than you’ll ever know.” I kiss his lips, but before he can deepen it, I pull back.
“Don’t get mad,” I say, and he narrows his eyes. “But maybe you should hear him out. You don’t have to talk, only listen to what he has to say. Maybe you’ll get some closure out of it if anything.”
He shakes his head, not wanting to hear it. “Nope. No chance, I’m fine.”
“I know that he hurt you deep down, Jack.” I cover his heart with my hand. “So even though you think you’ve finally moved past it, I’m sorry to tell you, you haven’t. Not after this long holding onto all the resentment. I know you better than anyone else; it will always be there until you get your answers.”
He doesn’t respond, and I know I’ve pushed him.
He lifts me off his lap and gets out of the bath. I dry off and watch him pace back and forth, soaking the bedroom floor.
I hand him a towel, and he chucks it at the bed, then runs his hands up and down his face in frustration.
“I’m sorry, I just… I don’t want to think about this shit while we’re here. I want to spend my time uninterrupted, appreciating you… appreciating that we’re finally doing this. And that my baby sister is marrying the love of her life in two days.”
