“The summer before Cambridge, Jackson and I may have had a night together while I was in New York.”
Lola’s mouth gapes open in shock, then she tries to hide it with her palm. It’s her signature move today.
“Oh my god, what did Sadie say?”
“She doesn’t know, and she won’t find out because she will be so hurt that I never told her.”
“You never told her! You tell her everything.”
Not everything.
“Sadie is a romantic, and she’s always had the idea in her head that her brother and best friend would ride into the sunset and live happily ever after. She won’t find out about that, or that we’re married now.”
“She doesn’t know that you’re married now?” she screams.
I roll my eyes at the dramatics. Jeez.
“Lo, get with the program. I said no one knows, and I mean it.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“Yeah, you and me and both, Lola. You and me both.”
Lola goes to the loo, and I think it’s time we head out. Unfortunately, our happy, celebratory moods have taken a turn for the worse.
I grab the bill as my phone buzzes, and just like that, my mood has changed back to cheerful at the speed of light.
It’s from my older brother Matthew; he always has that effect on me.
Matty:Hello, my beautiful baby sister. Mum told me the good news about the Italy job. CONGRATULATIONS!! I’m a little hurt you didn’t at least text your favorite brother, but I’ll let it slip this time.
Matty: In all seriousness, I want you to know I’m so proud of you. Always remember that you’re strong, capable, and intelligent. I love you and miss you with all my heart. Talk soon xx
Such a simple text and yet I have to wipe the rapidly falling tears.
God, I miss him.
He’s currently in Africa with Doctors Without Borders, and I rarely see him. Before Africa, he was in Yemen, and before that, Haiti.
Every year, he promises it’s his last and that he’ll come home to London, but it never happens. And although his surgical skills are needed there, I selfishly need him too.
It’s been six years without my big brother living in London, and I want him home.
Hughes Agency celebrated its five-year anniversary a little over a week ago, which he was due to fly in for. But of course, the second he landed, the chief-of-staff at his old London hospital called, granting him privileges for a high-profile surgery he couldn’t turn down.
Luckily, we were able to catch up during the week, but it wasn’t the same. I miss him by my side.
Matthew is one of my biggest supporters. Has been since I was a little girl full of wild ideas and aspirations. He constantly told me I could be whatever I wanted. One year, it was an actress, then a model—which didn’t last long… I have the height, except once my D-sized boobs came in, that idea went out the window.
I’m not sure he would have been the biggest supporter of what I could model with those.
He wanted me to do what made me happy and always said I would be the best at whatever I chose, which is why I am the way I am today.
Ambitious.
Something I’ve learned from him. All three of my brothers, really. Each of them are strong-minded and independent.
I wipe my tears and shake off any sadness.
