It’s why I’ve never pursued her, petrified of ruining our friendship. I’m not deluded. I know how well we’d get on, how the chemistry between us is off the charts. I’ve felt it since I was a teenager. Annabelle was always the girl out of reach for me, never letting my mind wander there because I respected her too much to fuck it up.
But I know deep down that if I took a different path in life, she would be my future. The few times I’ve ever let myself feel more, she was the only one to make my chest ache, in the best way possible.
Though, ever since Vegas, something’s been different. The connection and bond we have has been taking up my mind more often than not. Wondering…what if.
“You stupid boy,” John says, shaking his head. “Annabelle wouldn’t be your test run. She’d be your first and last lap. That sounds like the perfect win to me.”
“Life isn’t always fairytales, John. We live in the real world.”
“Don’t be stupid. I see how you look at her.”
I shouldn’t be stunned at his observation, but I am. “How do I look at her?”
“Like I look at my wife.” He holds my stare. “We’re here.”
“Thanks,” I mutter as I get out of the car.
John calls my name before I get to my door. “I was just like you, Jackson. Out with the lads, a different woman every night. Then I realized it wasn’t enough, and I deserved more. My wife was my ‘more,’ and when I finally got my head out of my arse, I almost lost her. Don’t lose Annabelle.”
“Thanks.” I pause. “Hey, John?”
“Yes, Jackson?”
“Theoretically… if I ever decided to take the next step. What happens if I fuck it up?”
Because I’m petrified of doing just that.
“You won’t.”
“You’re so sure?”
“When you find the one, you do everything in your powernotto fuck it up.”
* * *
My office door swings open. I look back and see Declan pause as he takes up the entire doorway. “You look like fecking dog shit, mate.”
I flip him the bird and mumble, “Fuck off, Dec.” Before turning back to my floor-to-ceiling windows, taking in the view of London and contemplating life.
He walks over and feels my head before I slap him away. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Feeling your temperature, I can’t remember the last time you called me Dec.”
I do love pissing him off.
“Awe, do you like my little term of endearment, Bucks?”
He rolls his eyes. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Come on, what’s up with you?”
I walk over and slump back in my chair, rubbing my temples in frustration.
Where the hell do I even start?
There is a ridiculous amount of work I need to get done, and considering I’m on three hours of sleep, I’m exhausted. John’s words are playing on repeat in my head, and I can’t seem to turn them off.
As the seconds tick by, the idea of being with Annabelle makes so much sense to me.
I’m not a fucked-up teenager anymore… The only reason I haven’t let myself go there in the last decade, or two was to protect Belle. I pushed the feelings aside with such force earlier in my life that they were hidden even from myself.
