Tatiana’s shoulders go rigid.
“Are we?” He looks at his mother. “Are we going to live with Dante at the big hotel?”
Her smile is so brittle it’s a wonder it doesn’t crack. “Yes, we’re going to live with Dante.” She looks straight at me. “For a while. Dante and I haven’t talked about how long yet.” Turning her attention back to Noah, she continues. “But not at the hotel. Hotels are just where we stay for short periods of time.”
“Like when we have to leave quickly in the night?”
The muscles around my eyes tighten involuntarily at the sound of that.
She clears her throat. “Like when we’re traveling or on holiday.”
I put a reassuring hand on Noah’s shoulder. “You’re coming to live in my house.”
He blinks up at me. “Is it as big as the hotel?”
It takes effort to hold my smile and not give in to the crushing feeling that squeezes like an iron band around my ribcage. “Bigger.”
His eyes grow round. “Really?”
I nod, not trusting my voice to sound normal if I speak.
“Is it far?” he asks.
Tatiana gives me a glacial stare, her beautiful green eyes cold and hard.
I let Noah go and fold my hands on the table. “It’s in New York City.”
He swings his legs. “How long do we have to drive before we’ll get there? Are we going in Mommy’s car?” He looks at Tatiana. “Are you going to pray, Mommy?”
I raise a brow. “Pray?”
A blush tints Tatiana’s cheeks pink.
Noah turns his face back to me. “Mommy prays when we have to drive far. She asks all the angels listening not to let us break down.”
Tatiana shifts in her seat. Jasper coughs.
I cut my gaze to Tatiana. “We’ll take a plane.” I haven’t told her yet I had that danger-on-wheels driven to a scrapyard. Smiling at Noah again, I continue. “We’ll be there before you know it.”
“A plane!” He bounces on his seat. “Wow, cool! Did you hear that, Mommy? We’re going to fly in a plane.”
“That’s exciting, right?” Tatiana says with forced enthusiasm, no doubt for Noah’s sake. Averting her eyes, she takes the menu from the holder and opens it in front of him. “What would you like to eat?”
The menu has photos of the dishes and desserts, making it easy for kids who can’t read to choose.
Noah takes his time to go over the pictures. He studies each one with the concentration a serious task deserves. After a few minutes of deliberation, he pushes a finger on the cheeseburger and fries. He steals a longing glance at the pink, blue, and green milkshakes printed on the dessert side before handing the menu back to Tatiana.
“What about dessert?” I jut my chin toward the menu. “And you’ll need a milkshake to swallow all of that down.”
He looks at Tatiana with so much expectation that my heart compresses into the size of golf ball. She nods and opens the menu on the dessert page.
He points at a waffle and a chocolate milkshake.
Once he’s showed his mother what he’d like to eat, he reaches for the crayons. In the span of a second, his attention is absorbed by coloring.
I’m amazed at how fast he changes gears. Come to think of it, Sav’s girls are a bit the same. The minute they’ve finished a task or a game, they happily lose themselves in the next activity, completely present in the moment. I admire the ability that seems to come naturally for kids.
For the last seven years, I’ve been living in the past, stuck on my vengeance. That can’t be helped, considering how my history played out. With Tatiana, it was different. Whenever I got my hands under her dress, I’d live for that moment only, for the taste of her pussy on my tongue and the sound of her moans in my ears. And then she left and took my only anchor to the present with her. Unintentionally, Noah is forcing me to live in the moment again, and I feel alive in a way I haven’t since Tatiana went on the run.
