“Your punctuality and professionalism have slipped significantly, and the recent car allocation error has cost the company thousands. We’ve received numerous complaints, and some of our most loyal customers have now stopped using our services,” Martha adds, her arms now crossed over her chest.
I lower my gaze to my hands resting in my lap, my fingers twisting and fidgeting nervously. “I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for my poor performance, other than that I’ve been incredibly distracted lately.”
“We understand that you’ve been dealing with some personal issues, but when you returned after six weeks of leave, we expected you to come back ready to perform,” Martha says with a clipped tone.
Rick clicks his tongue and shakes his head, making no attempt to conceal his frustration and disappointment. “I was willing to overlook the first mistake you made after your return, but now it’s clear they’re becoming a recurring issue. And now, it’s cost me money and customers. I can’t ignore it anymore, Kaden. I’m giving you your official final warning—your one last chance. If you screw this up again, you’ll find yourself out of a job, effective immediately.”
I nod slowly, my stomach churning at the thought of losing the job I’ve worked so hard for over the years. “I understand completely,” is all I manage to say. What else can I say to them? I’ve screwed up tremendously, and I have no one to blame but myself.
Martha suggests I see one of our onsite counsellors, handing me a business card and a pamphlet. I take them without looking, then shake Rick’s hand, apologising once more and promising to do better before walking out of the office with my head hung low.
When I get back to my desk, the first thing I do isn’t reach for the flask of whisky stashed in my top drawer, likeI usually would do. Instead, I grab my office phone and dial the number I’ve been avoiding for the past two weeks, the number of a therapist.
No more excuses. No more delaying. It’s time I finally get my shit together.
I make it back to Jason’s just after seven, having stayed late at the office to catch up on the work I’ve been falling behind on, and to prove to Rick and Martha that I’m still committed to my job.
After our meeting earlier today, I can’t afford another slip-up. The last thing I need added to my growing list of losses is my job. Perhaps, though, this is the wake-up call I need to start making some real changes in my life.
As soon as I ended the call with my therapist, I scheduled my first session for the following week and added it to my calendar. Then I started making a list of everything I needed to sort out over the next few weeks, including finding a place of my own.
I emailed the same real estate agent who helped sell the house I shared with Skylar, and booked an appointment to view some properties. I’m extremely grateful to Jason for letting me stay with him, but if I was going to work on myself, I need my own space.
I’m thirty-five, and it’s about time I stop acting like an out-of-control juvenile.
I find Jase out the back, firing up the grill with a plate of seasoned steaks in hand. His head snaps towards me as I slide open the glass door, his eyes instantly locking onto mine.
I give him a brief nod in greeting, which he returns with one of his own.
“What’s for dinner, honey?” I joke, gesturing to the plate in his hand.
He chuckles and shakes his head at me. “Steak and mash,” he says as he lays the steaks on the grill, one piece at a time.
“Are we eating out here or inside?”
“We’ll eat inside. The Panthers and Cowboys are playing tonight, so we can eat in front of the TV.”
“Sounds good to me.”
We make small talk while the meat cooks, chatting mostly about our work week and Jake staying with his other grandparents for the next two days. I leave out the part about my meeting with HR because I really don’t need another reason for my best friend to be disappointed or ashamed of me.
Once the steaks are cooked to a perfect medium rare, Jason transfers them onto our plates, each already piled with mash, and we head back inside.
On the way to the living room, I stop by the fridge to fetch two beers, then pause, thinking better of it. Instead, I pick up a can of cola for myself and a beer for Jason. If I’m going to start getting better, I might as well begin with small changes like this.
I set our drinks on the coffee table as we both settle onto the couch, plates of food on our laps. For the duration of thegame, we sit and watch, scoffing down our meals like wild boars and yelling at the TV whenever the Panthers score another goal.
The mood is pleasantly light and easy, and there are even moments when it feels like the good old days, right before everything fell apart, when Jase and I would just laze on his couch with a beer, watching footy.
I miss those days, and sometimes I catch myself wishing this were all just one long, terrible nightmare, one I could wake up from and find everything exactly the way it used to be. Before I cheated on my wife.
“What’s up?” Jason asks, his deep voice breaking through my thoughts.
“Nothing. Why?”
“You looked like you were thinking really hard about something just then.”
I shrug casually. “I was just thinking it’s been so long since we did something like this. It almost feels like the old days.” I reach for my cola and take a long, deliberate sip before setting it back on the table. “It also makes me realise how shitty of a friend I’ve been not spending more time with you and Jake.”
