“Thanks. Do you have any Advil by any chance?”
He spins around, and scrambles through one of the top cabinets, and pulls out a packet of ibuprofen, flinging it my way. I catch it just before it lands on my sandwich and immediately pop two pills, chasing them down with a gulp of coffee.
All the while, I can feel Jason’s eyes on me—watching, scrutinising, wearing that familiar look of disappointment I often see after I’ve been on a bender.
Needing something else to focus on other than his judgemental glare, I swing my attention to his son. “What youplaying there, bud?” I ask Jake, trying to lighten the tension in the room.
“It’s a reading app for school. Helps me to read better.”
“That so?”
He nods and slides the tablet towards me. “Yeah. I get these cool rewards everytime I get something right.”
“That is pretty cool. Sounds a lot more fun than when I was learning to read at school.” I flick Jason a look that says‘remember those days’, but he just leans back against the kitchen sink, arms crossed, stiff and exuding the same stoic authority that once made him every inch the cop he used to be.
“If you’re done with your lunch, Jake, you can finish your homework in your room. I need to speak to Uncle Kaden.”
Here we go. I knew this was coming.
Jake wastes no time grabbing his tablet and rushing out of the kitchen, heading straight for his room as if he can sense the tension in the air and wants to escape as quickly as possible.
My gaze drifts back to Jason, who still has his arms crossed over his chest, his expression unreadable.
He’s been my best friend since the early years of our childhood, my brother not by blood but by the strong bond we’ve built over the years. We’ve been through so much together that I can’t imagine what I’d do if I ever lost him as a friend. It would be the final straw for me, that’s for sure. I’ve already lost so many people as of late, and to lose him too would probably destroy what’s left of me.
“What are you up to today?” I ask, being the first to break the uncomfortable silence.
“Jake, Mila and I are going to see Vivid tonight. You’re welcome to join us.”
A sarcastic laugh burst from me. “Yeah, I don’t think Mila will be too keen on that idea.” I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. You guys have fun. I prefer to stay at home in this cold anyway.”
“She knows you’re going through a lot right now. I’m sure she won’t mind. Getting out of the house will do you some good.”
As always, he’s probably right. I’ve been holed up in my room for so long, I can’t even remember the last time I left the house for some fresh air. I decided to take some time off work hoping to recover from everything that happened, but all I’ve accomplished is a drinking problem and a complete loss of drive.
With my break almost over, I have no choice but to go back to work in a far worse state than when I left. And it really fucking sucks.
“I was thinking of hitting the gym instead. It’s been a while, and a good workout will help sweat the alcohol out of my system at the same time.”
The lie slides out of my mouth as easily as breathing. If I were honest, once they leave, I’ll be back in the garage, raiding the fridge for more liquor and drinking until I pass out on my bed, just like I have been these past three months.
“Do you think I’m an idiot?” he says, his tone sharp and stern. “You’re not really going to the gym, are you?”
“I am. I—”
“Man, what the fuck are you doing?” He cuts me offmid-sentence.
I frown, slightly thrown by his tone. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, what are you doing with yourself? With your life? What are you actually doing to make things better? Because right now, I don’t even think you’re trying.”
I bow my head, hoping he doesn’t notice the shame I’m currently feeling.
“I’m just in a really bad place right now, Jase. It’s not that I’m not trying, I just don’t know how to deal with the pain.” I shrug my shoulders, the motion weak and defeated. “Honestly, some days I wonder why I even bother getting up at all, when there’s nothing left to look forward to.”
Jason’s expression softens at my words, concern quickly taking over his features.
“I think it’s time you saw someone. Get some real help. It’s clear you’re struggling, Kaden. All you’re doing is surviving each day instead of actually living. If you’re stuck and don’t know how to move forward, then let’s find someone who can help you. I hate seeing you like this. I hate Jake seeing you like this.”
