I hesitate for a moment, thinking it over.There are far too many issues to pin it down to just one. Yet if I had to choose, there is only one that I continue to struggle with, even to this day.
“I guess I’d like to start with how I can cope with the guilt of betraying my wife… ex-wife, and the grief of losing her and my marriage. It’s this constant ache in my chest that never wants to leave. The worst is when all the memories—good and bad, come flooding back. Whenever that happens, I find myself reaching for the bottle again.”
Dr. Carroll nods, her pen moving once again as she jots things down on her notepad.
“It’s always hard admitting these things out loud, but it’s also where healing truly begins. The emotions you’re feeling—the guilt, the grief, the shame, and the regret—is a sign that you’re no longer the person you used to be. In our sessions together, we’ll work on some exercises that will help guide you towards becoming the person you want to be moving forward.”
I lean my head back against the backrest, staring blankly at the ceiling as a long sigh slips out of me. “Do you think it’s too late for me?” Imurmur softly.
“For that marriage, maybe. For your life. No. You’re here. You’re showing willingness. That’s all that matters. We can work on the drinking. We can build healthier coping strategies. And we can explore how you want to show up differently in the future—with relationships, work...everything.”
“I’d really like that,” I say, my voice almost pleading. I glance back at Dr. Carroll, letting the mask slip just enough for her to see my vulnerability. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to feel something other than this constant disgust and self-hatred.”
She offers a warm, gentle smile and nods. “And that’s exactly what I’ll help you with. Just remember, you’re not expected to fix everything overnight. Today, the goal was to simply show up to your session, which you did, and that means you haven’t given up.” Dr. Carroll says before glancing at the clock on the wall.
“We’ll pause it here for now. I know it wasn’t easy to share everything you did, but I want you to acknowledge the effort you made to be open and honest with me. That in itself is a huge step.”
I nod and manage a small, genuine smile, the first I’ve offered today.
An hour ago, I came in anxious and scared about the thought of spilling my problems to a complete stranger, yet somehow, I’m walking out feeling a little lighter.
If there’s one thing I’m taking from this session, it’s the clarity that I never want to become the person I once was, and that maybe, just maybe, there’s still some hope for me after all.
Chapter 4
Kaden
I take in the sleek, open, and surprisingly light-filled kitchen with its matte white cabinetry, stone benchtops, and stainless-steel fixtures. The space feels clean and inviting, and I can already imagine many nights spent by the stove cooking meals, even if it’s just for myself.
Max Kempsey, my highly trusted real estate agent, gives me a thorough rundown of the open-plan, two-bedroom apartment we’re currently viewing, the last of the four inspections we’ve done today.
As he talks about the recently installed solid timber floorboards, my mind is racing with a hundred ideas on how I want to furnish and decorate the place.
I’m thinking a deep grey sectional couch tucked into the corner of the living room, with a sixty-five-inch television mounted on the opposite wall, framed by a built-in TV unit and shelves in bold, dark tones.A rectangular Tasmanian oak dining table with black metal legs and four graphite chairs,matching the colour of the sofa, will sit perfectly in the centre of the open kitchen and living space.And rugs—plenty of rugs—to soften the edges of the place, making it feel warm, cosy and homely.
I smile inwardly as I picture the apartment fully decorated with custom-designed furniture, indoor plants, wall art, and framed photos displayed on freshly painted walls. It’s then, that I realise: this is the one. This is the place I’ll begin my new life.
Since my session with Dr. Carroll, three days ago, I’ve been putting together a list of things I hope will guide me towards real change and healing. The first task was clearing every bottle of alcohol from my room, and from the places I’d hidden them away in my office and car. Jason, ever the thoughtful friend, kept whatever he had in his fridge completely out of my sight.
The second step was meeting with Max today, the same real estate agent who helped sell Skylar’s and my house at the end of last year and managed to secure a great profit from it. Even though I gave most of that money to my ex-wife, the least I could do after what I put her through—I still had a small amount left over for myself coupled with the savings I had already had in the bank.
The apartment may not be in my ideal area, and it’s even further away from the city centre, but it’s still a decent neighbourhood, with newer buildings and recently developed amenities. The community already feels welcoming, and I have a really good feeling that this could be the perfect place to start anew.
“The complex itself is about two years old, one of the newest in the area, and it’s surrounded by schools, childcare, and shopping centres,” Max explains, gesturing towards the view from the balcony. “There’s plenty of public transport as well if you need to commute to the city for work. Overall, it’s a growing area with literally everything you could need right on your doorstep,” he adds.
I nod silently, taking in every detail of the space. The apartment feels spacious, with natural light pouring through the floor to ceiling glass windows, instantly brightening and warming the place up. We move from room to room, finally arriving at the master bedroom.
“As you can see,” he continues, “the master comes with a walk-in wardrobe, an ensuite, and air-conditioning, perfect for those hot summer nights. The carpet is made from organic wool, which not only ensures durability but also wears much better than many other types of carpet.”
Moving into the ensuite, I open the door to a simple yet modern bathroom, equipped with all the standard features of a contemporary apartment.
“Hmm… I suppose I could make a few cosmetic changes, nothing too outrageous,” I murmur, more to myself than to anyone else.
`“That’s right. It’s literally a blank canvas for you to add your own unique style,” Max says from behind.
I turn to face him, taking in his perfectly tailored suit, expensive watch, polished shoes, and slicked-back hairstyle that would make even David Beckham envious. He’s the pictureof success, likely having sold millions in property over his six-year career. Yet beneath the sharp exterior, I can sense a genuine commitment to finding the perfect home for every client, a man clearly on a mission, but one who cares about the people he serves.
“What’s the current price guide on this apartment again?” I ask.
