The way he looks at me makes my chest constrict. In one week, this man has made me feel more seen, more wanted, more cared for than ten years of marriage ever did. I don't know what to do with the fact that he’s been mine all along. My Michael. I don't know how to hold it without it becoming something that swallows me whole.
“I know it’s probably poor post sex etiquette to say this, but I wasn't lying when I told you I'd never come with a partner. Colt having sex with me was completely self-serving. His parents raised him to believe he could walk on water and everyone around him had better act accordingly.”
He pulls me into his chest, and I just lay and continue talking.
“The first time we had sex, he told me I'd better put up or get used to being the girl who could have ended up with Colt Monroe. Which also meant that I'd lose everything, and my parents would too. He lubed himself. Didn't use a condom because I was his to fuck however he wanted. It lasted three minutes. We didn't even kiss.”
I sit up and straddle him on the couch. He continues to look at me but stays silent to let me finish say what’s on my heart. It makes me love him that much more. I take the hem of his tank and raise it over his head.
“From there it was standard practice: bend over whatever piece of furniture was closest, or hands and knees on the bed. No foreplay. A peck of a kiss at best. Him grunting and falling over my back before rolling away like I wasn't still there. In ten years, he never ate my pussy or sucked my nipple. Never slid his fingers inside me. Never made me feel like I could unravel him with just my touch. It wasn't romance and flowers. My life existed for him and him alone. Even my degree in Public Relations wasn't my own choice — I wasn't allowed to pursue business because he didn't need a business manager. He needed me focused on keeping his career trajectory clean and his public persona spotless.”
I take my dress and pull it over my head. His eyes drop to my breasts, but he doesn’t reach to touch them. He meets my gaze again and keeps his hands on my thighs. I’m only in my panties, and him in his shorts.
“He found a sex toy one of my best friends bought me. Accused me of cheating on him with it. After he slammed my head into the mirror, he bent me over the dresser and fucked my ass with it without lube. Just rammed it in, cursing about how I wanted it more than him. How nothing goes inside me but him. I bled for days every time I went to the restroom. I wasn't allowedto see a doctor because it would raise too many questions. So, no more toys. No more orgasms. I didn't dare, for fear of the next punishment.”
I can feel him tensing beneath me. I need him to understand how different this has already been, and we haven't even gone all the way. I need him to understand how much it means to me. The significance of it.
“Needless to say, what I just experienced with you, Bennet, is the best thing I've ever felt in my life. I just want more and more of it. I want us to learn each other's bodies over and over until we know every inch. I still don’t feel like I deserve you, but I’ll spend the rest of my life becoming someone who does, if you’ll let me.”
Without a word, he reaches for my panties and rips them off with one clean yank. "I'll buy you another pair," he says quietly.
He lifts me just enough to pull his cock free from his shorts and sets my weight back on top of him. The way I'm seated, he's nuzzled right between my folds, and the reality of what we're about to do settles over me with its full weight. This will change everything.
I am about to take Michael Bennett's virginity. Ten years. Every wrong thing that happened between us and every right thing that's happened in the last few weeks, it all comes down to this moment, right here, on this couch.
"I'll rewrite every moment of your heartache, Blaire. Replace every dark story with sunlight." His voice is so soft. "I feel like I've been waiting to give myself to you my entire life. There is no doubt in my mind." He holds my gaze. "I'll spend my life reminding you of what you deserve and giving it to you. I’m going to love your pain into submission." A pause. "May I?"
I nod over and over again.
He lines himself up. His entire body is vibrating with nerves, and I didn't anticipate that — the realness of it, how visibly undone he is in this moment, and how much I love him for not hiding it.
I reach down and place my hand over his. "Let me."
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "Please." A hesitant laugh escapes him. "I feel like I'm going to pass out."
With my hand wrapped around him, I lower myself just slightly, already feeling the burn of his size.
"Fuck," we both say at the same time.
"Wait, I don't have condoms, baby." He says it in a panic, his hands going to my hips to still me. "I want nothing more than to feel you. You have no idea how much."
I take his face in both hands and press a kiss to his lips. "I'm clean; I test every three months. And I want your first time to feel amazing. No barriers." I hold his gaze. "I want to feel you too. Just you. I trust you."
I'm barely holding on by a thread with the head of his cock notched at my entrance and every nerve ending I have screaming for more.
"May I?" I whisper.
His eyes close briefly. When they open, they're dark and hooded.
"Fuck, yes." His grip tightens on my hips. "Take every inch, Blaire."
BENNET
When I finally slide into Blaire for the first time, the sound that tears out of me is something I've never heard from myself before. Every nerve ending I have lights up at once.
"Fuck." I drop my forehead to her shoulder. "Blaire."
"You're too big." Her nails dig into my back. "Fucking hell, you're splitting me open."
