Nightmares plagued me: Luca dead, bleeding, and calling my name with his final breaths. Finally, I gave up the thought of sleep and watched him sleep before I burrowed myself into his side, wanting to become one with him. Listening to his heartbeat, letting my fingers glide over my name now tattooed over his heart. That act solidified his love for me. Showed me he's in this. I couldn’t think of anything else to get to cover up my scar besides the cross necklace he gave me. It’s a perfect representation of all I’ve been through and of having him now. His forever to me is my forever to him.
As the sun rises, I take in his profile, his untamed beard from sleep, and the way his tattoos cover his body. He’s beautiful. And I am lucky to have found a man like him. That I know one hundred percent.
Everything I’ve ever wanted is lying right next to me, sleeping. My entire world is in this tiny apartment. And when he walks out of it later this morning, he’s taking it with him.
I lay staring at the ceiling, counting the spots of water damage, trying to occupy my racing mind, when he starts to wake up.
His arms reach out and pull my naked body to him. He presses his nose into my neck, breathing me in. “I love you.” His sleepy voice meets my ears.
“I love you, too.” I snuggle closer to him.
“One more time, baby. Just one.”
He doesn’t need to elaborate for me to know what he’s speaking about, and I hope it’s just this time.
I turn over so my back is to his stomach, letting him curl in on me.
“Can we just stay like this forever? Forget everything and everyone. Just be us and safe,” I ask him.
He pulls me even closer. “I wish we could, but this is my last act. Until I’m home with you, I need all thoughts to be on this job, Rowan.”
Breathing in, “I know, and it will be,” I tell him honestly. Because no matter what, Luca will do this job, and the only thoughts he’ll have will be on this job…not me, and not my own last act.
David is mine. Just like this is his. This is what I need to close the chapter and feel like everything is back in place again. Finally, put my demons to sleep and my thoughts buried.
“Damian will be just down the street if you need him. Don’t hesitate to reach out to him.” Luca looks me in the eyes, trying to see anything I’m hiding behind them, but he won’t find it. I’ve learned to hide everything well, and this he can’t find.
“I know. But I’ll be okay. Roxy and I will be waiting for you. Get in and out, Luca.” My hands rub his cheeks, my mind memorizing every piece of him.
His arms wrap around me, all-consuming. I hear him breathe me in, imprinting my smell. And I do the same. Leather and pine, with his own scent that could undo me with just a sniff, like a line of coke.
Kissing my head, then my forehead, his lips touch every inch of my face until they're on my lips, and they linger there. We both don’t want to break it, but finally, I do. My hand lays over his tattoo. “Hurry back home. I love you.”
He gives me a tight smile. “I love you.” Before turning and leaving the apartment. The moment the door shuts behind him, my stomach sinks, my fears invade once again, and I drop to my knees.
“I don’t ask for much, but I’m begging you. Please protect him. Bring him home to me in one piece and healthy. Watch over him, please,” I beg God, but I’d beg the devil if it meant Luca was safe.
Tears roll down my face into my mouth. I swallow them down like holy water, praying they wash me of the sins I’m fixing to commit.
I sit on my knees, the plan of action goes into motion, my next steps and how to get there. I know Damian won’t be on my ass; he’ll be here if I call him. But I know I can’t go to David’s during the day; it has to be at night when I know no one will come to check on me.
Standing, I rifle through my tote, pulling out my knife and thigh holster. The sunshine hits the blade, sending prisms onto the wall as I turn it, tracing the engraving. Knowing that I need more than just a knife when I go to David's.
Before I knew it, I had my phone in hand, renting a car. I can’t take Lucas; it has to stay here. I need people to think I’m holed up in the apartment.
I want to get this done and taken care of before Luca gets home. I want to finish this shit. Be done. Like Luca will be with his job.
The apartment feels even smaller without Luca here; I don’t know how that is possible. I’ve sat around all day, my mind spinning, thoughts racing, only going outside to take Roxy to use the restroom, pick up my rental car, and grab a prepaid phone. The rental is parked parallel to the coffee shop. It’s inconspicuous, a black two-door Honda.
Roxy and I share a sandwich as we sit in the quiet apartment. I don’t let my mind go further than what is happening later. Not to the days I used to occupy this place alone and afraid. I don’t feed those thoughts.
Being in this place has only intensified my need to end David. I feel like I’ve come full circle.
With a toss of the last bite of the sandwich, Roxy catches it.
“I need you to be a good girl.” I pet her head, and her tail wags.
Stepping into my boots, my thigh holsters in place, I sheath my knife, pulling on my coat that covers it up, before grabbing the prepaid phone, I’ve already loaded with all the numbers I could think I needed if shit goes wrong. I know Luca has tracking on my phone, so it’s staying here on the charger.
