I could lie and say I wasn’t referring to Catherine, but a bit of me was, but I was thinking about her mother. A woman who let this all happen. A compliant woman who willingly gave her daughters to the wolves.
“See, that was your own vengefulness wanting to rear its head. I was leaning more toward the woman who birthed you for the world you were in.”
Clover lets out a gasp, standing up. “That’s my mother. I don’t hurt people, Rowan,” she says in disbelief as she paces the floor.
“But it’s okay for people to hurt you?” I watch her feet stop before she turns around to face me.
“Would it make this all stop?” Her voice is pleading.
I stand and make my way to her. “I don’t know. I’m just telling you what helped me, what will help me.” Fuck! I squint my eyes, realizing what I had just done.
She cocks her head a bit, and I pull my robe tighter around me. “What did that last part mean?”
“I meant what did help me.”
She tsks me. “No, you didn’t.”
Looking up at the ceiling, the antique globe dark, I say, “Like I said, an eye for an eye. I can hurt people, Clover.”
“But you don’t want to.”
“No, I don’t, but I need to,” I tell her honestly. “Please keep this between you and me.”
She opens her mouth and shuts it. “Okay.” I want to believe her.
“I’m glad you’re still here, Clover. That your monsters didn’t win.” I see she doesn’t agree with me when her only reply to me is a weak smile.
“Thank you for talking to me and coming here.” She closes the gap, engulfing me in her rose-scented hug.
“Always.”
Once Clover leaves after we talk a bit more, I lay on the bed in the now dark quietness, David's name repeating over in my mind.
Forcibly, I turn onto my side, wanting the voice to shut up and knowing it won’t until he isn’t on this earth anymore.
I stare into the darkness as my stomach cramps, forcing me out of bed, stumbling blindly to my tote, shaking it. I hear my pain pills rattle, giving me a clue where they are.
I swallow them down with only my spit, praying they kick in fast. I’ve been able to stay on top of my pain, but sometimes it comes out of nowhere, and I know why the bitch reared her head tonight. My FaceTime with Luca. But I’ll never tell him, nor give in to the pain to not feel like I did tonight as he watched me.
I sit on the bed, still cloaked in darkness, when I know Niko was right, to feed that part of me that looks for pain, I need to let Luca have it; him be the one to feed me with it.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Luca
My head is fucking pounding, each step feels like it’s going to make it explode, coloring my staircase crimson, like I’ve done for many others.
Rowan and the hairbrush are on repeat. I’ll never be able to get that sight out of my mind. Even when I’m on my deathbed, that’ll be the memory that plays like a movie, and I’ll go out with a smile on my old ass lips. My cock twitches. “Down, stupid,” I grumble at it.
Peeking over the rail, I see Weeks hunched over the island, head on the cold marble.
Stepping into the kitchen, his voice sounds from under his arm. “Advil by the coffee machine.”
“Thanks,” I grumble to him. Beelining for them. Throwing three into my mouth, using the sink faucet to wash them down. “Fuck. Never again. I’m getting way too old for this shit.” I tell him as water leaks into my beard, soaking it up.
“You and me both, Brother,” he mutters.
I want to laugh, but I know it’ll make my head pound. “Better clean that bathroom up.”
