Taking a step forward, I reach out and grab the can. The coldness cools my feverish hand.
Licking my lip, I don’t give myself a moment to think before I crack the tab, taking a huge gulp.
“Drink your water.” Niko pats Catherine's knee. And I watch in confusion as she does exactly what he says, not stopping until he pats her knee again. My eyebrows rise as I watch them.
Niko takes a few swigs of his own beer, his body getting more comfortable on the couch. “You can relax; you’re safe here.”
“I’m good,” I curtly tell him.
The room grows quiet.
“I’m sorry.” My head jerks at Catherine’s words.
“You’re sorry.” I laugh out. “You’re sorry for what, Catherine?” I want her to say it. To say it out loud.
Her blue eyes well up with tears, and I reward her with an evil smile that pulls at my lips, showing my teeth. I know it looks nothing like a smile… Good. She isn’t getting any fucking sympathy from me. I’m not the one.
She looks at Niko. And he whispers something to her that I can’t make out.
“I never wanted to do anything to hurt you. I didn’t want to,” she cries out, her words becoming choppy. And I hope she drowns on the tears rolling into her mouth.
I can’t look at her, so I look at my beer can. Looking at Catherine physically makes me sick. My body responds to her as it should. Danger is in the vicinity.
“They forced me. I’ve been forced since the moment I could walk. Forced to give my body to anyone who wanted it. Forced to do things I never thought I could do. I was forced to watch women be hurt and killed in front of me. Forced!” She moves up to the edge of the couch. I can see under my eyelashes while still focused on the beer. “It was all a lie. An act to put on. Brainwashed and used by everyone. Some nights I prayed they would kill me. But they’d take me right on the brink and bring me back.”
On their own, my eyes move from the can and to her now, head in her hands, her blonde bob falling over as if it could shield her from my gaze, from the stare I now penetrate her with.
“I was the first person to be placed on that altar. Me. I was still a virgin.” She laughs at that word, but it's tight and curt. “Virgin, because they’d do everything else to me, so I’d be pure.” She air quotes the wordpure. “I lost my virginity at fifteen to my father and all his friends, all the while, the boys of theirs stood in a crowd watching. Learning the lessons their fathers were teaching them, at my own demise. To watch what they would soon become. The masters waiting for their time to reign.” Cathrine lifts her head, fixes her hair and looks at me. “I never wanted to hurt you, Rowan. I fought them. I was hurt for it, but they had my sister.”
My eyes bug out when she says that. She’s the reason her sister was there in the first place. She drugged her own sister. She did all that to Clover.
“You think you know, but you don’t. You only know what they and everyone else wanted you to think you knew.”
My legs shake as I stand there dumbfounded, berating myself for even second guessing what I know.
I look at the door, but Niko speaks, “If you leave, there isn’t coming back when your mind starts to spiral and you need to know if she’s telling the truth or not. This is your one last chance. Her last time speaking of this.” He scoots up on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees, watching me intently.
Pursing my lips, I look to the oversize chair next to a full bookcase, deciding to say fuck it and stay. My body feels like there is an electrical current running through it as I take the few steps to the chair, eyes never taken from them. Sitting down, I empty the beer in three gulps, needing the alcohol. Breathing deeply, I look at Catherine. “Then talk.”
Niko squints at me, and I give him a tight smile. He can fuck himself.
“Where do you want me to start?” Her voice carries to me.
I have so many damn questions. “Why are you telling me all this?”
“Because you deserve to know, and I’m not that person anymore…I wasn’t ever that person; that was someone molded and forced to be.”
I laugh because she could have gotten help. She could've got help for herself. Hell, she could have got help for any of the women that followed. “I don’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth, Catherine.” Holding up my hand, I wave it around the room. “Is this supposed to be the new you now? Vintage and thrift stores, not Prada and fucking daddy’s credit card. You.” I point my finger at her. “Served me on a fucking golden platter and served me to them. You, the person who I thought was my best friend. All I want to do in this moment is come over there and put my hands around your goddamn neck. This is the healedversion of you. Well, here is the not healed version of me.” I stand and in moments I’m to her. Her scream brings joy to my ears. Her body scurries back before I can make contact; Niko is between us. “Sit the fuck down,” he roars out. His eyes wide and wild.
I open and close my fist over and over again. Yearning to feel her pulse stop under my palms.
“All I wanted to do when she was brought here was give her pain, make her cry and beg to die. And guess what? That’s all she did. She didn’t want to live. She wanted to die. You knew the Catherine that she wanted you to know; I know the real Cat.” His hand reaches out and pets her hair; she melts into his touch. “I’m being kind letting you come here. For giving you. You!” He points at me with his black chipped nail. “This chance.”
His face becomes cast in a shadow, a shadow of his true self. “When I could have just let you live your life like you have been, but I can’t. Not for you, but because of Luca. I know the shit you’re putting him through, and I’m hoping this will tame whatever is inside of you down. Like you need to be.” He spits those last words at me. “Now sit down and listen and ask what you want to know. But this bullshit.” He motions between Catherine and me. “Will not happen again.” His face is but serious and scary looking. The eyes he had for Catherine earlier are gone; now they’re full of capable evil, and for me and only me.
I position myself back in the chair, crossing my legs, one eyebrow arched. “Don’t fuck with me Niko, I don’t give a fuck what you do for Luca or Matteo, you’re just like all men, thinking you can over talk and run a woman. I’m here because I want to be. Because now my interest has peeked. Not because of you.” I shake my head and look at Catherine. “Talk. I’m all ears now.” The thoughts of me setting this fucking wooden shed on fire with them both inside makes me giddy. I wouldn’t think twice aboutfucking doing it either. I can feel Niko’s eyes boring into me, like he knows what is on my mind. But I keep my focus on Catherine.
Me sitting here with the woman who fucked me over royal seems like a dangerous move, but I know this is probably my one and only chance to hear what she has to say.This was our plan all along; Rowan and we didn’t even have to sneak to get it done. It came willingly.I remind myself of those words that were spoken.
