“Baby, they're not.”
“Then who!?” I watch her pace around the kitchen, grabbing what she needs, her body not allowing her to stay still.
Once she stops, her face monotone, “I’m missing something that was in the house. It’s now gone.” She won't look at me as she pours Italian dressing on her salad.
“What is it?”
Placing the bottle on the counter a little too hard, “You know, the night of the fire pit incident, Roxy found a leather glove in the bushes. It freaked me out, but I didn’t want you to put me on lockdown. I hid it underneath the guest bedroom mattress.” Pausing, she takes a breath. “Not the one Weeks is in, but the other one. I went to look for it when we got back, and Luca, it’s gone.” She plays with the bowl of salad, but then pushes it away. “I can’t eat right now.”
I stand there, perplexed, and I can’t help but let out a laugh; it has nothing to do with something funny. I don’t fucking understand her. “You put us all at risk because you don’t want to be put on lockdown. Do you understand how that sounds? It’s as if you don’t give a shit about our safety, as long as you get to go and fuck shit up.” My words are angry, and I honestly don’t give a shit. The constant shift in her, the whiplash she puts methrough. I’ve tried to be patient, understanding, and supportive, but this has really taken the cake.
“I’m not hungry. I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight; you can have the bedroom. Matteo should have someone here in the morning to pick you up and take you to the funeral home.” I’m going to call Weeks as soon as I get in there. Everything in me wants to scream at her, but I won't let myself.
Her mouth opens, but she shuts it, knowing better. I’m at my wits' end with her.
I slam the guest room door shut as I simultaneously pull out my cell phone. It only rings once. “Have someone get Rowan as soon as possible.” I don’t give Weeks enough time to greet me.
“Yeah, okay. You good?” His words echo, but I don’t ask him where he is. Because I really don’t care.
I fall onto the bed, looking down at the hardwood floor. “No, I’m not. Weeks, all she does is lie. I never know what is coming out of her mouth, if it’s true or not. How the hell can I be with someone like that?” My words spill out before I can even clamp my mouth shut; the realization of what I just said hits me like a freight train. Do I want to be with Rowan?
“Hey, Luca, Brother. It’s just a tough patch right now. Don’t do something you’ll regret. Believe me.” He now sounds clearer.
“Can you please just make sure someone is here in the morning?”
Weeks sighs. “Of course.”
With that, I hang up the phone and place it on the nightstand.
I don’t sleep. When I feel like I barely doze off, I jump awake, like I’m falling. So, I lie awake, every scenario running through my mind.
If I end this, where will she go? Fuck, where would I go? But I don’t want to end this; I want her. I need her. She is the air I fill my lungs with, and without her, I’m deprived of oxygen.
Fumbling in the dark, I open my text messages and click the one that never got a response.
*I could really use your help right now, Dad.
I wait a few minutes, but nothing still.
*I didn’t die when they did. I’m still here.
Still no response. Honestly, I’m not surprised. Because it is true, from the moment Lauren was murdered and my mother died, I lost him as a father. A man I’ve always looked up to is disappearing from my life. He couldn’t have stayed for me. I wasn’t enough for him to stay. Even though I am a man, I still need what family I have left. To feel loved and wanted. And my father didn’t do any of those things. I think that is why with Rowan it hurts and pisses me off so badly. I want to build a life with her. We become our own family with our chosen friends as an extension of that, but I feel like she’s not there. I’m not sure if she’ll ever get there. I was alone before her, and I can be alone after her, but I don’t want to be alone anymore. That’s not something I strive for. If anything, I want my home to be filled with noise and people. I want to surround myself with them… With Rowan. It isn’t a want; it’s more of a need.
I open up my photo app and scroll mindlessly through my pictures. There aren’t many of Rowan and me, but the ones I have make me smile. She’s beautiful and so fucking feisty. And I have to remember that made me fall for her—her fight. And that is why we’re together under the same roof.
Scrolling further up makes me sad to see how far I have to scroll to find pictures of Lauren and my mother. Too fucking long.
My sister was beautiful, the epitome of blonde beauty in a little package. She didn’t give a shit that I was her brother and would always put me in my place. I wonder what she’d say now. But if what happened to her didn’t happen, would I still have met Rowan? Rowan’s time was already ticking thanks to David, butI wouldn’t have been a piece in her puzzle. I wouldn’t have put two and two together because I didn’t have a dog in that fight. It was only because of Lauren that I got to meet Rowan. I smile when I remember her telling me while we sat under the tree,“I’ll find the perfect girl for you; she’d have to be perfect to deal with your ass…and crazy.”And she did. A tear wells up and falls down my cheek, vanishing into my beard before I can hastily wipe it off.
The need to get out of bed becomes strong. I don’t enjoy being in my emotions, so I force myself out of bed and to the kitchen, where I make myself a cup of coffee.
I wait for Roxy, but she doesn’t come. “Your loss,” I whisper to the empty house before stuffing my feet into my tennis shoes, making my way outside. The sun hasn’t risen yet; it’s still pitch black outside as I make my way down the gravel driveway to Lauren's tree. I sip my hot coffee.
I watch the sun rise under the treetop as I use the trunk as my own back support. My coffee is now long gone.
I must have fallen asleep when I wake in panic, a noise rousing me out of the sleep I was deprived of during the night.
Squinting my eyes against the brightness of the sky, I watch a car come up the drive. I know who it is, Niko. Fucking Weeks. I let out a groggy laugh, knowing it’s Rowan’s punishment from Weeks. She’s going to despise that drive. And I get a little kick out of knowing that. Niko would never hurt Rowan. I trust him wholeheartedly. Yeah, he’s a fucking psycho, weird and creepy, but she’s safe with him.
