The need to shower is my only objective. Forgoing food, ignoring my rumbling stomach, I head upstairs to our bathroom, ripping my clothes off before I even pass the threshold. I step into the shower before the hot water has time to heat, standing under the sprayer, just needing to get myself clean of the remnants of last night as my body shakes from the shock of the coldness.
My peach scented shampoo fills the enclosed shower as I scrub my skin…not hard, like I normally would. I take my time, being easy, taking gentle care. No need for me to scrub dirtiness off me, because I cleansed my soul when I put a bullet into David's head.
Last night’s images flip through my mind. How close I truly was to leaving Luca alone in this world. My stomach drops with the realization that I didn’t want to think about. When my ears start to ring, my heart pounds, my hand flies out to the wet tile wall, steadying my body, using it as leverage to ease myself onto the shower floor. The hot water is now raining down on me, as tears escape, mixing with the water, I sob. “Get it out now, and never again,” I whisper to myself, because once I step out of this shower, David, TUSB, Briggs, I’m leaving it all here to swirl down the drain, into the pipes. Looking down at my tattoo that’s still covered, I bring my knees to my chest, letting myself feel it all, all the heaviness of the past year and a half. I’m different from the girl in the tomb; where she was scared and lost, I’m now courageous and found… even if that courage makes me do stupid shit. I know what I want and am not scared to go after it.
All the crimson blood I bled led me to my lifeline, to my fate… Luca. My heart slows to a steady beat with just the thought of him, the one who gave me reason, showed me what love was, and never forsaken me. He is my forever.
Standing, I watch my sins washaway rebirthing a woman who came out of the fire and ashes, with new hope and the will to live.
Chapter Thirty-six
Luca
Seeing Stephen for the first time in years poked awake something inside me that has been asleep for so long. Seeing my father, my blood, in front of me, it’s everything to me. And knowing he went and saved my girl, I could never repay him for that. Because, in all honesty, he was saving me.
Stephen has been here since I left him the message that I needed him. Keeping watch. He was able to take someone down, and that was why my recording kept replaying to the same scene of the back door when we were gone to Two Brothers. He was worried that if I got wind of it, something worse would happen—me going after them. I know who sent them. And all I needed to know was that he had fixed the problem. The fear that coursed through me, knowing that they were so close to her, was palpable when he spoke those words, letting me know what I already knew, thanks to Aiden. I wish my father had made himself known, but if he had, would Rowan have had the help she needed last night? No. Probably not. So, his uncertainty kept my world alive.
Rowan showing up and getting the guns, that raised a red flag for him. Fucker drove behind her with his lights off, so she wouldn’t notice him. The reason he knew exactly where she was is because he had placed a tracker on her rental car while she was inside the gas station. Always three steps ahead of the situation.
I would have paid to see Damian’s face when Stephen jumped into his car at the apartment. I bet he almost shit his pants.
Once I got my eyes on Rowan, my anger overruled everything. I wanted to scare her like she scared me, but everything in me couldn’t. I couldn’t keep the secret about the woman in the closet; I needed to hand it to someone else, and she’s that someone. I can’t keep doing the what-ifs about that, because I have Rowan to protect. It’ll be my job forever. And she’ll always win out over everyone and everybody.
My father and I both look at each other, and it feels like I’m looking through a mirror, seeing myself in twenty years. It’s uncanny; he’s just an older version of me.
“Where are you going next?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “I don’t know yet. I was thinking I could hang around here.” His face is tired, his eyes drawn, his body older. I can see he’s ready to be done, like I am. This life is one we don’t need to keep doing anymore. They’re gone now. We got our vengeance, one way or another. We got it.
The little boy deep down inside me jumps with excitement, but the man I am now just nods. “We have an extra guest room. Weeks has the other one,” I inform him. Not showing much emotion.
He smiles at me.
“What?”
Leaning back, he says, “I like her. She’s definitely going to give you a run for your money, and I promise, ones like her… like your mom, are so fucking worth it, son.” His smile fades. “I’m sorry I left this all on you. But I couldn’t immerse myself in them anymore.” I know he’s talking about TUSB. “But because of your sister, you found your woman and, if anything, know that. She gave you one last thing.” His words come out shaky.
“She did, didn’t she?” I look up, hoping she can see him and me.
“I’m still mad at Rowan,” I tell him truthfully.
He takes a swig of his beer, “And that’s okay. But now she had her own monsters to fight, son. She needed what she did to move on. To finish her healing. Did she do it in a stupid way? Absolutely, she did, but she was sitting across from me, all I could see was Lauren and what she didn’t get to give them back. Be mad, but let it go when you step back into that house. She’s here.” His eyes glisten, and I know he’s right.
We both sit in silence, lost in our own thoughts while drinking our beer. All things truly happen for a reason. Him staying tucked saved Rowan. My sister dying by their hands had me neck deep in TUSB, which also led me to Rowan. Everything good and bad happens for a reason. My crimson heart now beats steadily because of Rowan.
Ten months later
Luca
Laughter and conversations fill our house while we wait for Damian, Soleil, and Sunny to come back inside. Today is the day Damian proposes to Soleil.
My heart is so full it feels like it’s going to burst when I watch Rowan step off the last step of the stairs, her stomach swollen with our son.
Rowan is seven months pregnant, and I’ve never seen her more beautiful than she is now. Her face glows, her hair shines, and her eyes widen with happiness as she spots me; her smile overtakes her. Her white T-shirt encases her belly, showing it off. Because that baby is loud and proud. She waddles as she walks toward me, my hand automatically reaches out to her wrist, pulling her in between my thighs, my other hand coming between us, rubbing her belly. Needing to make contact with her.
After David’s, Rowan stopped taking her birth control pills, telling me that we’re going to let nature take its course, letting me know that Dr. Maggie informed her that getting pregnant could be challenging, but it wasn’t an impossibility. But knowing she wanted my child was the ultimate high. We didn’t try, but when it happened, it felt like my tilted world got straight. We hid it from everyone until she started to show. Just in case, she was so scared of losing the pregnancy.
Her hands shook as she held the pregnancy test out to me, her eyes filling up with tears, panic on her face. “I didn’t think it would happen this fast,” she said in confusion.
