My eyes roam over Levi’s face from across the cafe, and even from here, I can tell he looks tired. Permanent shadows lie under his eyes, and his hair looks tousled, like he’s been running his hand through it all morning. But even looking like this, my stomach dips. This man, whom I swear I can’t stand, is also the only person who wakes me up inside. I hate myself for it, but I can’t help but wonder if he feels the same way, too. My eyes drop as I remember how ridiculous that is. The man is grieving, and he’s made his feelings about me perfectly clear. The confrontation with my mother this morning must have really thrown me off balance because I’m clearly delusional.
“Oh yeah,” Rory laughs from beside me. I’m not even sure how long she’s been here. “I cantotallysee how much you hate him.”
My lips press into a thin, uncertain line. “You fix those labels yet?”
Her eyes go wide before heading quickly toward that cabinet where we keep extra labels, and I laugh.
“This order is all yours, sugar,” Ainsley says with a way too innocent grin. “I have tables to serve.”
“Sure you do.” I roll my eyes, my stomach clenching as I head to the register and straight toward Levi.
I hate him.
I hate him
I hate him.
I repeat to myself, but when I reach Levi and see Ellie sitting beside him, pink bows still proudly in her fur, when I thought for sure he would definitely remove them before ever being caught dead walking around with her looking like that, I feel the first piece of something deep inside of me start to chip away and something else fall into place.
Perhapshateis too strong a word.
Chapter Twelve
Levi
The sun is hot here heading toward the end of June, especially when there’s not a cloud in the sky. Its rays beam down on Turtle Bay and over Adirondack Lake, making my view of the water as I drive home exactly the reason why tourists come from all over the country. The water sparkles, and the mountains surrounding it look nothing short of something you’d see in a painting, with the deep and various shades of color from the Maple, Birch, Oak, Spruce, and Pine trees. Within those mountains, right off the rocky shore, waterfalls can be found within hiking distance.
When I was younger, we’d all go there and splash around for hours. As soon as Caiden, Callie’s twin brother, got the okay from their dad to start driving the boats, we’d pack it up with lunches and snacks and wind up spending the whole day soaking up the sun. With an ache and pang of nostalgia, I remember how Krystal loved it the first time I brought her there. If she were here, she’d be furious that I haven’t taken the time to enjoy any of it. I remind myself that it wouldn’t hurt to take Tom and Callie up on their offer to have another one of those days sometime soon. Callie’s family now has a few boats, and I could use a break. Some time to get out of my own head. As I pass by the Cozy Pines Cafe, I absentmindedly wonder how Tris’s morning is going.
“I’m home,” I call out to Ellie as I walk through my door. She’s sprawled out on my living room couch, but what takes me by surprise are the pink bows clipped to her fur right behind her ears. “What the hell?”
She rolls over and off the couch, prancing toward me. I brace myself for her weight that I already know is coming as she jumps and her paws land on my stomach. I’ve barely finished taking in the bows that adorn her fur when I notice her nails... They are pink. A deep laugh bellows out of me, and Ellie’s weight knocks me to the floor.
“I guess I know how the night went,” I say, rubbing her head, noticing for the first time that none of my belongings are torn apart across the room in shreds before standing back up. This time by TrisorEllie. Usually, I come home to at least one thing chewed up and no longer recognizable.
After a long night of tossing and turning, Chief’s words repeating in my head and my conversation with Tom pressing down on me, I wasn’t sure what I’d be coming home to.
This wasn’t it.
I don’t have Tris’s phone number, so I couldn’t ask her how Ellie was or what they were doing, but it looks like it was time well spent. I can only imagine little Miss stick up her ass sitting on the floor and polishing Ellie’s nails one by one. And I bet Ellie loved every single second of it. A smirk forms slowly on my face as the tight band that’s been wrapped around my chest for the last few weeks loosens slightly.
I know that I owe Tris an apology for what I said, but the woman would no sooner hear it than let me get past the first sentence. Knowing her, she’d probably roll her eyes and walk away, but not before telling me to go to hell, the same hell that’s probably freezing over now because I’m over here trying to do the right thing and apologize. Thanks to Ellie, at least I may actually have a chance for her to listen to me now.
Kicking off my shoes, I notice Tris left me a note on my counter along with my spare key. It’s written on purple-tinted paper,because of course it is. I roll my eyes, but my lip twitches up. On it is the most girly writing I’ve ever seen.
“Left for work. Ellie was a good girl. We played and had lots of treats. I put food in her bowl when I brought her back.
-Tris”
So she let her stay the night.
Good.
Relief hits me, but not as hard as the guilt that follows it. I look down at her note, and it crumples in my hand as my fist clenches around it.
“Fuck.”
I stare out of my kitchen window, at a loss. There’s a war waging inside of me, and I’m not sure yet which side I stand on. What I do know is that a man with no side is already as good as dead, which is exactly what I deserve. But no, I’m here alive and well, which might be the sickest joke of all. I stand here tortured between the woman I miss with every breath, who I promised my heart to, the one that can never love me back again, and the mere idea of caring about another.
