I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Nope. Nothing at all.”
She huffed with disappointment. “Damn. Maybe next time.”
They decided that Caiden would drive this time, while Sabrina and I continued sitting in the back.
The drive was slow and long. I caught Caiden’s gaze multiple times in the rearview mirror. Neither of us would hold the stare for long. My mind was a whirling hurricane, showing no signs of slowing down.
The outside world passed in a haze; I became lost in memories that I had buried deep in my mind over the years. The longer Caiden was around, the more erratic my mind became.
I was a caged lioness, pacing and pacing, waiting and waiting.
My anger needed to explode and attack, yet I felt the need to run and hide.
I glanced at Sabrina. She was completely unaware. I wondered how much longer I could keep this storm inside. How much longer could I fake politeness?
It still felt like a fever dream or a terrible nightmare. Caiden was here, coincidentally the half-brother of my best friend’s fiancé. I never expected to see him again.
Vague memories of the last time our paths crossed flitted through my mind, just after graduation, before I left this place and never looked back.
It was around that time I had reached a boiling point with my mother, a day that still haunted me, echoing with the sickly expression on her face.
In the end, she had become a stranger I once knew.
The walls that I had once called home were now unfamiliar, drenched in an atmosphere thick with blood and tears. Lillian's room sat empty and cold, a grave reminder of what had been lost. Day by day, my mother fell deeper into despair.
My graduation day had come and gone, and witheach passing moment, a persistent knot in my gut urged me to leave this devastating town behind.
“Amelia, I need to borrow some cash,” my mother’s voice broke through the suffocating silence. Though I relished the quiet moments, they never lasted long.
“Why?” I asked, though I already knew the answer.
“Don’t question me. When I need something, you should do it without hesitation! After all I’ve done for you, you should be more giving to me.” She screamed and thrashed her arms like a wild beast.
I let out a hollow laugh, devoid of humor. “Really? Are you kidding me? What have you done for me?”
I recognized her fragility in that moment, but it mattered little. Her hands trembled as she scratched at her skin, her eyes darting everywhere. Unfocused, unwell.
“I am your mother. You do as I say. I’ve sacrificed so much for you and Lillian!” She persisted her screaming, all logic out the window.
Something snapped inside me. “Oh yeah? Well, Lillian is still dead. And you’re delusional if you think you’ve done anything helpful for me in the past years.”
She shook her head, mumbling and quivering. “No. No. No.” She stood on the precipice of breaking, and I pushed harder.
“Get over yourself, Mom. All you’ve done is torment Lillian and me with your drugged-up chaos. She’s dead, and I’m all you've got now. But you still don’t care enough to be a mother to me!”
“Shut up! Just shut up and give me some cash!” Her voice rose, a shrill scream, as she yanked at her hair, pacing like a caged animal.
“Get your own cash. I’m done with you.” I stormed out of the room, grabbed my keys, and fled the house.
Just before I shut the door, I heard her strangled scream, followed by the sound of something crashing to the ground. More screams. She was out of drugs. Out of cash. Out of her mind. But she would find her fix. She always did.
My foot slammed down on the gas pedal, and I sped away, seeking solace in the only place that ever offered me a sliver ofpeace. The park. It was always quiet and empty, perhaps with a few children playing under the watchful eyes of their parents.
The air was still and warm. I kicked off my shoes, relishing the soothing sensation of my toes sinking into the soft grass.
In the embrace of nature's calm, I decided that I was done. I yearned for peaceful days, unburdened by the weight of my sick mother. She showed no signs of recovery, and I couldn’t keep waiting for a change that might never come.
As I lay on the ground, I spotted a butterfly perched upon a budding flower. It looked so free and content. I surrendered to the moment, allowing the tranquility of the blueness of the sky to envelop me. For the first time in days, a genuine smile graced my lips.
