I knew I had to take that step back, or else all hell would break loose.
Betrayal was a terrible thing. To give yourtrust and love to someone only for them to squash it and tear it up right in your face, then act as if it were no big deal, was heartbreakingly cruel.
Trust was like a delicate flower that must be handled with care, or else it would wither and die.
The question I had to ask myself was how I could ever forgive her for this? That was the thing about betrayal: you either forgave or you didn’t. It all came down to how deep the pain ran and how horrific the act truly was.
But everybody makes mistakes, the small voice in my head reminded me.
Maybe one day, I would wake up and find the answer to the question that hung in the air between us.
It shouldn’t be such a hard decision. But it was.
THE PAST
AMELIA’S BREAKING POINT
It was hard to look Lillian in the eye over the next few days. We had only exchanged a handful of words since I stumbled upon her in bed with Caiden.
She cornered me before I left for school, her expression a mix of frustration and confusion.
“You’re not going to speak to me?” Lillian asked, her voice laced with annoyance.
I let out a frustrated sigh, the sound escaping me like a breath I had been holding for far too long.
What did she expect? There was a tornado of conflict swirling inside me.
One part of me wanted to reach out, to hug her and tell her it was okay, that deep down, I wasn’t really mad at her.
Not truly.
But I couldn’t.
My pride and anger toward Caiden wouldn’t allow me to be the bigger person and let Lillian back in.
It had overtaken me at this point. My mind was a misted trench, and I couldn’t find a way out of this black swamp. Someone had to bear the brunt of my fuming scorn. Someone had to take it in so it wouldn’t consume me.
Unfortunately, my sister stood in the crossfire.
“I can’t discuss this right now. I gotta go,” I said, my voice clipped.
“Dammit, Amelia! I slept with him one time! Stop being so sensitive and move on!”
“No! If you knew what he has put me through, you wouldn’t talk about this so lightly.” Tremors shook my body as I spoke, the weight of my emotions threatening to spill over. She didn’t understand, and I could see it on her face.
Nobody could ever comprehend this situation.
“I needed someone. He was there. It’s as simple as that,” she shot back, her tone defensive.
My hand stayed clenched around the doorknob, my knuckles white with tension. “No, Lillian. It’s not simple at all. You don’t get it.”
The doorknob twisted, and I pushed it open with a harsh force, slamming it behind me.
Here I was, teetering on the edge, trying to maintain my balance. My hands quivered, a suffocating layer of hot flashes covering my skin. This was the calm before the storm.
With every second that passed, boiling anger surged within me, crashing through my body like a tumultuous wave.
One breath. Two breaths. Three breaths. Four breaths. Five breaths.
