It probably realized I was no threat. Or maybe it sensed how deprived of meat I was; any fat on my body had withered away, leaving only flat skin.
Whatever the reason, it wasn’t interested. Not anymore.
In that moment, Caiden crept out from the bushes, and my face fell into an angry scowl as I unleashed the stress I had just endured.
“I can’t believe you left me!” I shouted, pushing against his chest in a fit of rage. “You left me to die so you could save yourself! Just when I thought you had a soul, you found a way to disappoint me.”
“I know,” he replied, the weight of guilt lingering in his tone. “I wasn’t thinking. I was desperate to not be mauled to death!”
“So, you decided I should be mauled instead?” My voice dripped with venom, and I could feel the anger coursing through my veins.
This was the Caiden I remembered, the selfish coward, the boy I loathed completely. A tiger can’t change its stripes, and neither could he.
“That wouldn’t have happened!” he snapped back,frustration evident in his eyes. “Once I got over the panic, I remembered that black bears are the least likely to attack for no reason.”
“Well, you realized that a little too late!” I shot back, my voice rising. “You left me exposed in front of a predator that sees human beings as prey. We are in their territory, that’s more than enough reason to attack.”
I was still shouting, overcome by a whirlwind of emotions. I couldn’t stop them; I couldn’t control them. They were coming at me full force, feeding off my panic-stricken adrenaline.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Caiden’s voice softened, and he didn’t meet my eyes. I felt that he was only apologizing to make me shut up.
“Oh, now you want to apologize? Where was your apology when you impregnated my sister and led her to kill herself? Where was your apology after all the cruel things you did and said to me? Huh?” My throat was becoming hoarse from screaming at him.
“I don’t need you throwing that in my face right now. Yes, that was all messed up, but don’t you toss that at me. You’re not all that innocent either.”
“I don’t know why you can’t just take accountability. I wouldn’t have had to act out if you didn’t bully me into insanity! But of course, you must control the narrative like always,” I paused, and he only stared at me, a muted expression on his face. My voice dropped to a whisper. “You might be strong on the outside, but you’re weak on the inside. Terrified of allowing yourself to feel or deal with anything. Because if you do, you’ll break.”
The silence that followed was sharp, biting like ice. We stared at each other, heaving, layered with intense ferocity.
“We should keep moving,” Caiden finally said.
Just like that, with one sentence, he shut the door to that conversation, not allowing anything else to slip through into the open, shoving it back into the dusted dark.
We had been getting along a few days ago without any rude remarks or insults, but the days were stretching, and we were withering.
Our malnourished and sleep deprived state of minds were causing us to turn on each other like feral beasts.
I hoped that we would be rescued before we sank our claws into each other any deeper.
If we wanted to live, we would have to swallow our pride and forget the festering feud that had divided us for so long. But I wondered if it was even possible, given how vulnerable and unwell we were becoming in the unforgiving wilderness, becoming as fragile and cold as the biting wind.
Despair was a slow rot as we continued wandering, and it seeped into everything. The color of the sky, the taste of the air, the way Caiden’s voice scraped along my nerves whenever he spoke
We moved on, because that was all we could do.
Forward, forward, until there was no world left to walk through.
I counted steps in my head. One hundred, two hundred. Just to force time to pass.
I thought about all the ways we could die out here: a twisted ankle, a bear’s teeth, a slow bleed from the inside out. I wondered which would be quickest, which would leave the fewest regrets.
It should have ended with the bear. It should have ended with the black tongue of the river. It should have ended so many times, but every morning I woke, pressing my face to the filthy sleeve of my jacket, and the forest pressed back, unmoved, undefeated.
Life clung to me like a parasite, and I hated it almost as much as I hated the boy who limped two paces ahead of me, refusing to look back.
I was bone-tired, delirious, running mostly on spite and the scorched memory of every time Caiden had ever wronged me.
