“86 minutes,” he replied nonchalantly.My mouth went agape.“We were messing around; Clous proposed to break into school; he had a key.”
“But the window was broken?”I interrupted, and he chuckled.
“Well, we had to break the window; otherwise, they would have known it was someone from inside.Clous’s mom works as a secretary at the school; she has keys.Clous stole them, and we knew the security cameras were broken—his mom told him.”
As Zane spoke, I listened intently, eager for every detail.
“When we got inside, we weren't really thinking.We were just bored.I was against it, but I went along to be close to V.Clous brought some weed, and we smoked.I didn't know what it did to me, but I felt the urge to write.I found a black marker on the teacher’s desk and unintentionally wrote your name, then again and again.At first, no one noticed, but when they did, it was too late.I felt compelled to fill every empty space with your name—it became my mission.I probably wouldn't have done it if I were sober.”Zane paused, and I had another question bubbling up.
“Have you ever been in my room without me knowing?”I wanted to gauge if he would be truthful, and his answer struck me like a bolt of lightning.
“Yes, I have,” he confessed, lowering his gaze.
“When?”I pressed, my anger rising.
“On my birthday.I drove to your house and parked close enough to see you through the window.I assumed it was your room.It was evening.It was unclear to me why I came.Don't ask me.”
“How did you know where I lived?”I demanded, my heart pounding, unsure if I was more scared or intrigued.
“Clous.His mom is a secretary, remember?He accessed your file.”The intricacy of his actions was overwhelming, and I wanted to know everything.
“And then what happened?”I pried impatiently.
“I got closer and observed you for about ten minutes until I saw you turn off the light and come downstairs for dinner with your parents.I know my actions were inexcusable, but I wanted to know everything about you.I spotted a ladder, and before I knew it, I was in your room through the open terrace door.I wandered around and saw your diary on the desk.”
“You read my diary?”I exclaimed, taken aback.
“Not exactly.Just the page it was open to—it was left unattended,” he clarified.
“So that's why you wrote my name?To recreate what I had written, to win me over or something?I can't believe this.I feel so foolish.You played me.”My emotions surged, and I felt like I could burst into tears.
“I know anything I say might not convince you, but please just listen,” he said, his voice steady.“What I did was wrong, and I regret it every single day.Writing your name was a product of my clouded mind due to the drugs.I didn't understand what I was doing.Most importantly, I would rather not do that.I could have denied coming to your room or reading your diary, but I don't want to do that.I want to be honest with you.What I feel for you is beyond my understanding, and it often leads me to make mistakes.”Zane paused, and I struggled to process his words.A whirlwind of emotions swirled inside me, and I felt torn between wanting to walk away from him and wanting to embrace him.
“I don't know what to say,” I finally managed to utter.“It's frightening to realize you broke into my room and went through my things.Ordinary people wouldn't do that.”
“I guess I'm not ordinary.I act on my impulses,” he replied, and in that moment, my next words struck like daggers—not just toward him, but into myself as well.
“Like beating a random guy to death?”
The pain those words inflicted was palpable.His mouth fell open, eyes wide with shock.I searched for a hint of emotion in his silence, but all I found was emptiness.I braced myself for an explanation that never came.Instead, he walked away, and my nightmare materialized—Zane’s silence pierced through me like a knife.
Chapter 25
How much had shoppers spent in just one day at the mall?It was a one-stop destination for everything: retail therapy, dining, movies, bowling, and arcade games.You could easily fill an entire day here and still not experience it all.
I had already blown my monthly budget, and I was left without cash for food.I wondered if I should ask my dad for an increase in my allowance.Luckily, Jessica generously lent me some money.
Maybe I should consider getting a part-time job for my own income.I wasn't quite sure what I would excel at—perhaps waitressing?I could just imagine myself tripping and shattering all the dishes.A café job might be easier; brewing coffee sounded simple enough, and I adored the aroma.
I knew I could save up for whatever came after graduation.I was still undecided, but I was certain that university wasn't in my plans.I wanted to work and explore the world, maybe even move to a bigger city—Milan had always seemed like a perfect place.
I couldn't picture myself spending my life doing the same things: Sundays at the mall when it was chilly or by the lake when it was warm.It was always the same routine, the same faces, and the same predictable activities.It felt like a broken record stuck on repeat.
As I sat at the same table with Jessica and Emily, devouring yet another slice of pizza that I had countless times before, I couldn't help but wonder what else was out there.Nothing seemed thrilling anymore.The only highlight was Zane, but he was nowhere in sight.There was a gaping emptiness that I didn't know how to fill.
He left me speechless at that place.I had to call my dad for a ride home.He avoided me at school for the entire week.How had I ended up in that situation?All I wanted was someone to love, someone to hold hands with, go to the movies, share meals with—just to be happy.Just enjoy our teenage years.
Instead, I found myself with two people who I once considered my closest friends, but who felt more like strangers at that time.I felt so isolated.Maybe it was all my fault.Maybe I was the one ruining everything.
