“Yes, as much as Marco tried to keep up,” V replied quietly.
“And… you witnessed the accident?”My voice trembled as I struggled to suppress the lump in my throat.She nodded, avoiding my gaze.“What happened?”I pressed.“I mean, how did we… did I… survive?”I quickly corrected myself.The pause was agonizing.
“I don't know,” she replied, trying to collect her thoughts.
“I saw Zane reach a speed of 100 miles per hour before we collided head-on with another car,” I said, desperate for clarity.
“I… no, it wasn't like that,” V said, searching her memory before finally meeting my eyes.“Zane’s car slowed down right before the impact.Then… I saw the car turning to the side.Zane took the brunt of the collision on his side… Luna, he did that to save you…” Tears cascaded down our faces like a torrential downpour.No, no, no—why would he do that?The crushing weight of reality crashed down on me, a pain I desperately tried to suppress.
“I'm sorry… I killed him,” I cried, guilt gnawing at my insides.
“No, no, you didn't.It wasn't your fault.He was driving; he alone is responsible,” she insisted, trying to comfort me, but it didn't help.
“But he was in that car because of me.I can't live with that,” I admitted, feeling utterly helpless.
“You have to stop blaming yourself.Do you hear me?”She shook me gently before embracing me again.Gradually, I calmed down, retreating into a state of denial.V brought me some of her clothes, suggested I take a shower, and assured me that dinner would be ready in an hour.
It felt surreal, as if I had taken his place.I found myself seated at the table where he must have dined before.Davide had prepared chicken in red sauce and a generous bowl of salad.We ate in silence, an unspoken tension hanging in the air.
I couldn't help but wonder if he was aware of my pregnancy or if anyone had shared that news with him.I wasn't even sure V knew.The house loomed large around me, heavy with an oppressive silence that echoed my own sense of emptiness.
Each day felt like an exhausting battle.Would this ever come to an end?Would I find a glimmer of hope again?The darkness seemed to envelop me, dragging me deeper into despair, leaving me grasping for something to cling to.
After dinner, I expressed my gratitude to Davide for the meal and offered to help with the dishes, but he insisted on handling it alone.V walked me back to Zane’s room.
“If you need anything else, just let me know.Towels are in the closet,” she said as she stood at the door.I nodded in response, and she left.
And here I was, utterly alone.It felt as though I could sense his presence, as if he might step in at any moment and rest his hand on my arm.I closed my eyes, longing for that moment to materialize.My heart ached with a desperate need for his touch, just one more time.But nothing came.The moon hung full and bright outside the window, so captivating that I found myself unable to look away.
The clothing V had provided offered no comfort for sleep.I made my way to the closet and opened the door, a wave of nostalgia washing over me.I could almost feel him there, his scent lingering in the air.I brought his hoodie to my face and breathed deeply, feeling a connection to him.
Tears welled in my eyes again as I clutched the fabric tightly, as if trying to hold onto a piece of him.My body tensed with the overwhelming emotion.I couldn't put it into words; it was simply too much.
I grabbed a plain white t-shirt and slipped it on.His scent wrapped around me like a warm embrace, and I envisioned him holding me close, imagining his lips on mine, his warmth, the rhythm of his heartbeat, and the softness of his breath.I couldn't bear it; it felt unreal.This had to be a nightmare, just a fleeting nightmare.
I crawled beneath the sheets, which smelled of fresh cotton and the sea breeze.Soon, my pillow was dampened by my tears.My stomach twisted in knots.It proved to be more challenging than I had anticipated.
I couldn't sleep; it was too early for rest.Perhaps it was time to delve into his diary.Maybe understanding his thoughts could provide me with a way forward.I rose from the bed, retrieved my backpack, and pulled out the leather-bound book.
I returned to the bed, switched on the lamp on the nightstand, and opened it.There it was—Zane’s world, pages filled with his inked words, waiting for me to explore.
Once I began to read, I could almost feel him beside me, as if he were sitting on the bed and holding my hand.Perhaps I was losing my mind, but in that moment, it felt so real…
Chapter 45
ZANE’S DIARY
July 23rd
Hi, I guess this is the first thing I have to write.
Hi!
Something absolutely absurd happened to me, and I have to share it with someone, somewhere.I have to write it down so maybe it will all make sense.
Fuck, this is harder than I thought.
It feels, I don't know, like a veil has been lifted from my eyes; I see things clearly now.The realization struck me like a bolt of lightning, rendering me fucking speechless.Everything has crystallized in my mind.I found her, or perhaps she stumbled upon me—it's hard to say.
