“A date is not enough for me, Willow. In no world, or planet, or fucking universe is a single date going to be enough. I could consume you whole, keep you locked in my arms for eternity, and it still wouldn’t be enough. If you can only commit to a singular date, Willow, let’s not start this race. Let’s put this cigarette out before the addiction even sets in.”
If I felt like garbage earlier, I feel like a monster now. Rolling my lips together, all I can think about is him. His breaths are harsh, and his tone is even harsher, as if insulted by my suggestion, and he’s right. I know he’s right. One date would be painful. A constant reminder of what could’ve been.
Maybe it’s time to admit how I feel. How I feel about him, about Milo, but how can I get the words out if I’m not even sure? What if Milo was my mate? What if this isn’t a second chance from the Moon Goddess? Maybe I’m an attention seeking whore, and Eddie deserves more than that.
He deserves someone who will love him wholeheartedly, undoubtedly, and I can’t give that to him. Plus, what happens when he finds his mate? I mean—I’ve found mine, and now I’m destined to live the rest of my life alone, and here I go, falling into a web of destruction and heartbreak. He’s right.
“Willow shift,” he demands. He’s not an Alpha, but his words’ impact me all the same. I don’t think, I don’t move, I don’t breathe. I shift. In the middle of a fairy village outside the first herb shop we found, I shift into my bear. The favor we owe is long gone from my brain as my claw grows. It’ll grow back bit by bit as I shift back and forth. I remain on two legs as I grow into a big brown bear, my clothes ripping off my body.
Her claws are long, and her fur is dense. Deep brown fur covers almost every inch of my body, and my nose changes into a snout. I love my bear, protecting her as she does me. We’re both big and happy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being big was good as a bear shifter. Bigger was truly better, and I embraced that in both my forms.
I shift freely, without concern for collectors, since Eddie is with me. Catching two shifters is nearly impossible for the BSM, and that’s why moving in groups or Packs is safest: it’s not only animal instinct but for protection too.
My bear is not like me. She’s not shy, she isn’t careful, and she does what she wants, when she wants. If she wants to rub her back on the tree that’s part of the structure of the herb shop, then she will. If she wants the berries sitting on the market’s table, she’ll get them. She’ll pay no mind to the farmer’s terrified face or the profits he’ll lose from her thievery.
“How much for the berries?” Eddie says, pulling out his wallet. Being “awake” while your shifter animal is in control isn’t always the case with shifters; it depends on your relationship with your animal and what mood their in. If my bear wants to block me out, she can, just as I can block her out when I’m in control. Right now, I can hear, see and feel everything going on around us, but I don’t have control of our body, she does.
She likes him. She’s always has, but now I think she loves him. Her happiness spreads through me, and we smile. She is the distraction I need, and the chance to get away from myultra embarrassing rejection. She smiles, as much as a bear can, scaring the farmer with her sharp teeth, I’m sure. She drops to all fours, as gently as a bear can, and nudges Eddie’s hand. She tries to put her head under his hand, like a dog asking for a pet. I know she can interpret my confusion—we aren’t dogs, we don’t get pets. She doesn’t care, urging Eddie to keep his hand on her. What a traitor.
Eddie pays the man for the berries and walks away. He doesn’t even look in our direction. He walks away. We don’t like that, not one bit, and so she follows. Growling and nipping the air behind him.
“Mad you aren’t getting your way, Buttercup?” he says, popping a berry into his mouth, glancing back at us. “Want one?”
My bear nods, speeding up to walk beside him. She tries to nudge him to look at her again, but he ignores her. Getting pissed, she knocks him down, and he falls. No matter how strong a human body may be, it won’t compare to a full-grown bear. He’s laughing, the berries still in his hands as my bear licks them off his hand. He sits on the ground and watches us. He’s smiling, and my selfish shame in asking him out dies a bit.
When my bear finishes eating, she licks his face before backing off and walking off.
“I’ma need Willow back, honey pie,” Eddie says as we reach the car. Leaning against the car, he crosses his arms and stares at me. “You won’t fit in my car.”
My bear shakes her head no before making a move to walk away. She doesn’t want to shift back, even if that meant our claw would grow more than the little stub that it is now. “Wait, what if I promise to shift next time, too?” Eddie shouts.
She stops in her tracks, her ears twitching as if she’s listening. Her enjoyment of the idea spreads through our bodies, and she gives me control, shifting back into our human body.Our completely naked human body. But before I can even process the redness building in my cheeks, my head is covered in black. His T-shirt. My arms are lifted and guided through the arms of the shirt, and I only stare as Eddie dresses me.
“Buttercup?”
“Hmm?” I’m standing stock-still, only dressed in his T-shirt and with my curls a flying, frizzy mess.
“Let’s go home.” He opens the car door for me, then after I’m seated, he reaches over me to put my seatbelt on, even though I am more than capable. He softly smiles and gets into the driver’s seat. I can’t help the silence or the guilt still eating away at me. I turn to face him, knowing I have to let Eddie go.
“Thank you, Eddie, for helping me. For keeping me safe, for helping me find Ghost, for everything. You don’t have to stick around. I won’t hold it against you if you want out. I get it, but I can’t ignore my feelings for you, and it makes everything weird, and I can’t keep hurting you. You deserve much more than this.” I mean it, down to my core.
Eddie has his own life to live. He has a job, a family, and a Pack. He doesn’t need to be saving me from murderers, yet he is here anyway. I’m putting him at risk by him even being here.
Where do I draw the line? He doesn’t look at me, doesn’t slow down or pull over. He sighs and lays a hand on my thigh.
“For you, Buttercup? I’d tell the devil himself to fuck off.”
11
EDDIE
The restof Saturday was rough. Sunday, I spent the day avoiding Willow from the comfort of her living room. She spent the days avoiding me from her bedroom. Now it’s Monday, and in light of having to go to work, I break our avoidance feud and further piss Willow off by forcing her to attend my dreadful workday.
I don’t think I could have accomplished this before, but with this newfound guilt she must have over our one date conversation, she is persuadable. She sits on the small velvet couch in my office with a gently used book in her hands. Her laptop sits open on the small coffee table next to her phone. She wears a lightweight long-sleeved blouse with a barely long enough skirt and heels. She’s laying back on the couch and lets her short hair hang over the arm of the couch to keep it off her neck.
“If I knew your office was this cold, I would’ve brought a sweater.” I could smell the sweat from the underside of her exposed neck, but I let her complain. She’s tense. I can see it around her shoulders and the way she barely lets her body move, and yet that doesn’t stop me from forcing her to be with me.
Even with proof she’s hot, I toss the sweater I keep on the back of my chair to her. She isn’t working a full day today since Flora took the day to travel with Dylan. So, after rescheduling all their meetings, Willow is free to be with me. I stand at my desk, typing away a script for my presentation on my heat house project that is coming up soon. It isn’t in the books quite yet, but I want to be ready. I’m excited, to say the least. I’ve been perfecting this plan for the last five years, and I finally think it’s ready.
