"But you think I expected it to be easier."
Tom reaches across the table, his hand settling over mine. His thumb brushes across my knuckles once, slow and deliberate.
"I think we both did," he says.
I look down at his hand covering mine. I feel the pressure of his palm against the back of my hand, the warmth spreading through my fingers.
"So what do we do?" I ask.
"I don't know."
The honesty is almost worse than a non-answer. I was hoping he'd have a plan, some way to navigate this that I hadn't thought of yet. But he's as uncertain as I am.
I pull my hand back, not harshly, just needing the space. I wrap both arms around myself, then immediately drop them because I can feel how closed-off the posture looks.
"We can't just hope we find time," I say. "That's not a strategy. That's just letting it happen to us."
"Okay. So what's your strategy?"
There's no malice in the question, but I hear the faint challenge underneath. He's waiting to see if I'm going to try to manage this the way I manage everything else.
"I don't know," I admit. "Maybe we need to block out time. Make it non-negotiable."
Tom's mouth twitches, not quite a smile. "You want to schedule us."
"Don't say it like that."
"Like what?"
"Like I'm being controlling."
"I didn't say controlling. I said schedule."
"You made it sound ridiculous."
Tom sits back against the booth, runs a hand through his hair. "I'm not making fun of you, Sam. I'm just—" He stops, exhales. "I don't want to be a calendar appointment."
I feel my shoulders stiffen, my jaw lock.
"That's not what I meant."
"I know."
"Then why did you say it like that?"
"Because—" Tom stops, recalibrates. "Because I don't want this to turn into another deliverable. Another thing we have to execute perfectly or it doesn't count."
"That's not fair."
"Isn't it?"
I stare at him. He holds my gaze, steady and unflinching.
"If we don't make time for this, it won't work," I say, voice tight. "If we just wait for free time to magically appear, we'll never see each other. You know that."
Tom nods slowly. "I know. You're right."
The concession surprises me. I was braced for more resistance.
