“Hmm, I’ve always hummed ever since I was a sietling. I like the way humming feels in my throat, I didn’t realize I mostly do it when I’m nervous though.”
“That makes sense. So what’s got you nervous right now?”
Right, back to the subject at hand.
“We’re running low on wood,” I admitted with a sigh.
“Oh, that doesn’t seem like too big of a problem. We passed a lot of fallen branches and logs on our way here.”
“Yeah, I’m not worried about that. I’m worriedabout leaving you.”
I didn’t want to break our connection. This all felt too good to be true. What if it turns out that it was just a one-time thing? What if my sensory issues are worse when we try to hold hands again?
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll stay in the main cave here.”
I hadn’t thought about Ashley wandering the tunnels alone and now I had a whole new fear to worry about.
I shook my head. “I’m worried that this was a one-time thing.” I held up our joined hands. “What if I come back and am unable to hold your hand again?”
“Oh,” Ashley looked downcast. “I hadn’t thought of that.” She furrowed her brows as she looked down at the ground. “If you can’t hold my hand when you come back, then we’ll just do what we did before.”
Her perseverance warmed my heart. I was happy that she was willing to start over again if that’s what I needed.
“What if it’s not raining when I get back?”
“Then we’ll find a waterfall, or maybe a river will work. We’ll figure it out.”
She looked down again and bit her lip. “It’ll be good information to have for… whomever you lumines to.”
There would be no one else for me. I wanted to assure her of that, but I knew Ashely was waiting forluminescence. Speaking aloud how strongly I felt for her, wouldn’t help in the long run if she glowed for someone else.
I nodded my head in agreement.
“Walk with me?” I asked. I wanted to hold onto her until the last possible moment.
“Okay,” she gave me a shy smile and we walked together to the cave mouth that led outside.
I turned to face her and waited for her to pull her hand away, but to my surprise she didn’t.
I didn’t pull away either. I didn’t want to. I didn’t think I could.
“Someone’s got to let go first,” Ashley commented with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes and a laugh that didn’t sound real at all.
“I...I don’t think I can,” I admitted. “You’ll have to do it.”
Ashley chewed on her bottom lip. “You’re the one leaving. It makes sense for you to pull away.”
“Together?” I suggested.
“Together,” she agreed.
“One, two, three,” I counted us down and as soon as I said three, we both slowly pulled away. Our fingers drifted apart from one another like sad ocean waves saying Goodbye one last time. And then it was done. We were separated. The space between us looked small, but it felt as vast as the universe itself.
I wanted to grab her hand again, place it in mine, and pull her to my chest where she belonged,but I did none of those things. I needed to get firewood so Ashley could stay warm, and if I held her hand now, I might never leave. Upon my return, I’d hold her hand in mine and hope for the best.
“I’ll be back soon,” was the last thing I said before I shifted and headed into the forest.
Chapter 15
