“Kenneth...”
“Let's not do this, guys. I'm not stupid. Isthis your version of an intervention?” he asked. His voice was solow that all three had to strain to hear him.
“It's our version of we don't want to watch youto kill yourself,” Patrick said bluntly.
Kenneth let out a sound that indicated he didn'tbuy it. “Get real. I...I can stop at any time.”
“Then do it now,” Ryan said. They had all satdown with him, on his level. Kenneth was going to feel attackedenough.
“I don'twantto.” Ryan thought Kennethsounded child like. He could tell everyone else did too.
“Dude...you have to get some help,” Brendon saidgently. “You're my battle buddy. I won't let you drink yourselfstupid.”
“Too late,” Kenneth said, grabbing one of thebottles. He opened the seal and looked at them as he took a longdrink. “I'm fine.”
“Uh huh. Kenneth, we just spent the better partof the night drunk off our asses. When did you get the booze?”
“I brought it with me,” Kenneth said, shrugging.“Y'all don't get it.”
“What don't we get?” Patrick asked.
“You just wouldn't get it...guys let's not...”Kenneth started and then stopped.
Ryan could see Kenneth was closing off. He didit so quickly that Ryan knew that he was about to blow a gasket.That was the thing about Kenneth. He could go from zero to sixty inseconds flat.
“Ya know what? I don't feel like doing thistoday,” Kenneth hissed.
“You don't have a choice,” Brendon said asgently as he could.
“Fuck you, Murray.” Kenneth snarled. “You wannaknow?”
“Yes, we want to know,” Ryan replied, his voicesoft and low like he was talking to an injured animal.
“Really? Okay, how many of you were there whenyour buddies got hit?”
All three of them had; just differentversions.
“Fine, then. How many of you were asked to holda wound? None? Yeah that's because that’s where a combat mediccomes in. We get to hold wounds closed. Find an artery to pinch sowe don't fucking lose some bastard because Ali Baba had his goodday.” Kenneth looked like he was going to cry. “We have to try andsave limbs because we don't want our buddies to...Fuck, half thetime we can't even save them.”
Ryan winced. All three of them had seen theirshare of shit. But Ryan couldn't imagine what Kenneth wentthrough.
“My buddy in AIT always said we were like allthe kings men. We always got to put Humpty Dumpty back togetheragain...but you know what? Sometimes you can't put Humpty Dumptyback together again. Sometimes he just fucking dies and there isn'tjack you can do about it.” Kenneth's voice was high, too high. Hiseyes looked wild.
“Kenneth...” Brendon started.
“No, you wanted to know. This is it. No matterwhat I do I can't save the ones I lost. Those men...God, some ofthem were just boys...they’re all gone. They just died. I...Icouldn't...God it's so hard.” That's when Kenneth began to cry.“I...just want them...to live. I don't want to see them anymore.”Kenneth sobbed hard. So hard that he couldn't stand. Brendon,Patrick and Ryan all put their arms around him. Cocooning himin.
They would keep the world at bay for theirfriend.
***
The next day Ryan had to go to work. Brendon haddecided to bunk with Kenneth. Kenneth was still over the edge andno one wanted to leave him alone. But Ryan was back in formationafter morning PT. He was thankful no one said anything about thefaded hickey on his neck. At least until Phillip got a good look atit after they got finished with their run.
“Looks like it's fading,” Phillip hadcommented.
“Yeah, hickies do that,” Ryan said reasonably.He looked at the former drill sergeant. If there was anyone in theworld that would know what to do with Kenneth it would be Phillip.But he couldn't ask. Not yet. He couldn't betray Kenneth'strust.
“I'll have to try harder next time.”
