That was a bitter herb. But then, I hadn’t convinced her of her real worth. Of our worth together. She thought we were playing a game when I was playing for keeps.
The monster inside me tried to surface, dragging uncharitable relief with him. If she left, I wouldn’t have to see her kill herself with the impossible standards she held herself to.
“I’ll help you get packed and walk you to the border tomorrow morning.”
The door to our room closed with the sound of a death knell.
Chapter 23
Declan
Sleeping next to her was pure torture. Not even my wolf form buffered me against the whipsaw feelings Fallon broadcast across the bond. Fear, resolve, worry, embarrassment, love, and resentment continued to cycle to me, then back to her as every change morphed hope into despair. It was so awkward to want to yell at her and comfort her at the same time. Why couldn’t she have performed a dramatic exit after her decision to destroy me? That’s how it happened in countless versions of my books. No one had to stew in their decisions.
Fallon touched my fur-covered back in the dark and it was pure pain when I knew I would never feel it again. I flinched away from her. She withdrew her hand. Sleeplessness continued in a liminal fog.
The hardnight finally ended as the first light raised the curtain of dawn. My eyes swelled with unshed tears. I wouldn’t make this harder on her. She would always be my mate and the existing bond would let me know she was alive. I didn’t dare picture her with someone else or I really would tear apart the Harrowlands before she ever set foot out the door.
Fallon’s pack weighed a thousand pounds. I had arranged a carriage to meet us at Sombermane’s border but I was still going to load her down with a ridiculous amount of food. What if she hit a pothole and broke an axle? What if she wasn’t warm enough? I had already requested the Old Magic hide as much salve as possible at the bottom of the bag. Could I lure her back for more of it? My thoughts scattered like snowflakes in every direction, the darkness of my monster threatening to consume me.
Briggs took the pack from me to heave it by the door. “You’re an idiot. Mate bite her and she’ll have to stay.”
That attitude was why I left here. I wouldn’t force Fallon to love me. I could only prove she wasn’t in a cage by opening the door. The rings around Fallon’s eyes and the slump of her shoulders looked as tired as I felt. I really had no sense of self-preservation, just like Ned.
As I went to make some tea, I noticed the stove wasn’t lit. The coals from yesterday had nearly cooled. I had heard Marco come to the house last night. It seemed we all needed some comfort after the fight in the kitchen. Momma probably slept in.
I would make this last morning as normal as possible.Toast for everyone kept my hands busy. Briggs set jam and juice on the table. Eilie got the butter from the cold storage. I gave Cosomo the eye until he found some berries to set in a bowl in the center of the table. When I took my chair, a cup of crocotta sat in front of every wolf. The longer I spent in Nightfell, the more I could feel the tides of the rest of the pack. My siblings were the easiest to read. They didn’t take the gesture of a morning meal for granted. Others might see some plates of humble food, but the wolves at the table saw my thanks in caring for their needs. It was the right thing to stay, even though it tore me in two.
“Is she up yet?” I asked. “Momma will miss saying goodbye even if she grumbles.”
I looked at Briggs.
She looked back at me.
I gazed at Cosomo.
He stared at Briggs.
Eilie just made a face and threw up her hands. “Not it.”
“We’ve had to deal with Marco the entire time you’ve been gone. It’s your turn,” Briggs complained.
“Me!?” I said.
Briggs slapped her hands on the table. “You’re the oldest.”
“And you’re the worst,” I fired back, a little sharper than I meant to. The laugh I tried to cover it with cameout jagged. When every eye measured me, I was suddenly grateful to have an excuse to leave the kitchen.
I would rather make myself into a wolf-skin rug than disturb Momma while she was with a lover. But I wouldn’t chicken out now. I dragged my feet to the end of the hall, to the largest set of rooms, and knocked politely.
“Momma, are you decent?”
Please let Marco be gone.While I didn’t begrudge my Momma any happiness she might find, even if it wasn’t with her fated mate, that didn’t mean I needed an eye full of her prowess in bed.
I tapped again in case she hadn’t heard me. Nothing. Not a rustle of fabric or an inappropriate moan. All of my intent sharpened and the Old Magic responded on its own. A gentle breeze drifted in my direction and only old scents came my way. Not even a heartbeat on the other side of the door.
I crashed into the room and stood stunned by the open window and a dead, cold-eyed Marco sprawled on the floor. I hadn’t meant that gone.
Bursting out of the back room, I sounded the alarm. My siblings only had a moment of horror before they were searching the space, scenting the trail, calling for a search party. I threw a sheet over poor Marco.
