I crossed my arms over my chest. “It seems like there is. But that would involve you not being a stubborn ass.”
She sat up. “What would you know about it?”
I leaned forward, teeth clenched. “Nothing, obviously, since you didn’t tell me. You didn’t trust me?”
Fallon threw her hands up. “What part of there’s nothing to do about it don’t you understand? Your optimism won’t magically make it better.”
She didn’t know what I could do with Old Magic and maybe it was both our faults for keeping secrets.
“I can turn you. If you want.” The Old Magic would allow me to petition the change.
Fallon sat stunned for a second. Her hands were too tender to knot in the blankets, but they twitched anyway. “Into a wolf?”
“No. Into a chompy chicken.”
Her frown didn’t appreciate my sarcasm. “You’re crazy.”
“It’s a better plan than ‘work Fallon into an early grave.’ It’s not like we wolves don’t experience pain. We still have bad days, but there are perks to your wolf form.”
“Like what? Head pats and dog treats?” she said.
Her grumpiness at my suggestion only made me dig in harder. I narrowed my eyes at her condescension and reminded myself that fear made her salty. But I would fight for her, even against herself.
“You must be thinking of Ned. I meant that the pace is different here. The expectations. No one cares if you sleep in front of the fire all day. That’s considered a full day of living. The hardest surface feels like heaven to rest on. Momma tried to get us floor beds once but we just slepton the hardwood. Four legs provide more stability on bad days. And the rest of the pack will always be there to help.”
She shook her head before I had even finished. “This is who I am. I don’t know if I can live with someone else in my head. The way Evie describes it is terrifying. I hate not being in control. This is out of control enough.” She gestured down her body.
“It’s not like that for me. The Old Magic brings us closer together, like it used to be. I am my wolf and my wolf is me.”
The fear in her eyes leaked through the bond. I didn’t quite understand, but then I had been a wolf all my life. She just didn’t have the experience to know I was right. Running in the woods, curling up by the fire, finding a nice den to take a nap, the life of a wolf was the ultimate control. It also didn't hurt to have a murder pack of giant wolves at your back.
“There’s no quick solve for this.” She lifted her wrist.
My head dipped from side to side in denial. “I’m not saying that.”
I knew I wouldn’t cure her, but she didn’t seem to comprehend that my soul was on the line. The flip side of loving her was the terror of losing her. She was my everything. The sun and the stars could fade to nothing and I would still be left wanting her. I would do anything in my power to help her. If she let me. Sometimes her stubbornnessmade me want to tear my hair out. I needed to breathe.
“Forget I asked. I’ll let you get some sleep.” I stood and made for the door.
She pushed the blankets down. “Declan.”
I opened the door, emotions boiling in me, stopping any further conversation.
“Dec.”
Disappointment flooded me. There was no way forward for us. Honey would never stop and I had no wish to stop her. She would kill herself with something as unimportant as work and there was nothing to do about it.
I shifted and ran out into the howling winter night.
Chapter 19
Declan
Fallonwasn't a woman you managed. You helped or got out of the way. Unfortunately, I had been in Fallon’s way all month with my hovering. There was no help for it. She needed me despite our disagreements. The bond vibrated with her panic as the Fever came and went in waves. Sometimes an hour, sometimes a day. Holding her only hurt her but she resisted Noreen’s ministrations too. A pile of half-full bottles sat on the side table. When she saw I had cut myself on her skin, she refused to let me lick her again. She was lucky I didn’t immediately toss her into the snow.
I held out the bottle Noreen said contained the mildest of sedatives.
“I don’t need it, really, Dec.” When she appeared most reasonable was when she was the most stubborn.Unfortunately, she also sounded like she gargled the Ampthean Sea so I knew she wasn’t better even after all this time.
