“I work to make talons. To feed myself and others. To learn new things. And…”
I blinked hard, and tears spontaneously slid down my face. I was so weary to the bone that I couldn’t even be truthful with him. All the hours, the sweat and blood I poured into it, of course I wanted to be loved through myfood, for my accomplishments. It was safer than being loved for myself.
I reached inside and found the tether to Declan I had ignored. Instead of passing it off as a fake mating thing, or just the magic of our friendship, I really looked at it. It had always sat between us in some form, but now it sparkled and solidified into a bridge between our hearts. I didn’t know what to do with that kind of love, but I wanted it desperately.
With all his usual good cheer, Declan had waited for me to come to him, for me to see him the way he saw me - as someone to love.
Goosebumps erupted over every part of me. If I hadn’t been still, I would have missed the dark core running through all the light in the bridge between us. Yes, I plainly saw that the bond might mean shared laughter, lazy picnics and more romps in the snow, but it also carried the promise of flesh meeting flesh, wet kisses and tongues over skin.
I exhaled roughly, trying to adjust to the seismic shift of seeing Declan not only as a sexual creature but also as a monster aimed directly at me. All of that affection would ruin me if he backed it up with the anaconda lying against my ass.
I didn’t know if my body would take it, but I would have killed to find out.
Chapter 17
Fallon
Ihid in the pantry. The episode took it out of me and then I dealt with another two weeks of Anise’s lessons. I was an eye bag carrying, overcharged bundle of nerves. I started counting the same dead chicken three times. Each time it wasn’t any less weird that it had teeth. No chicken in the wider Harrowlands had teeth. I knew. I ate a lot of them. The weird chompers should have been justification enough to measure if my feastweaving would slaughter the bird. It stared lifelessly at me, so the test seemed like a public service. Now it just creeped me out. I shivered in the cool air.
My quill hovered to scratch it off my list and I sighed with frustration. I hadn’t even written it down. Checking the pantry was usually my go-to calming activity but as I gazed down at the list I made for myself, I realized I wrote a list of Declan.
Best friend
His smile
My smile at his smile
Helps no matter what
Owns a dog?
That girthquake
I tapped my quill against the parchment, an unnamable itch running through every limb. The bond between us really hadn’t helped me shore up the walls that had kept me safe in the years before I met him. In fact, they seemed two sizes too small these past couple of weeks. Even though I sensed he was keeping as many secrets as I was, some part of me still needed to know if I would let myself be anything other than friends.
Luckily, the perfect cover for finding out swam through my brain. Something good had to come from this fake mating debacle.
As soon as Declan walked back into the house, I grabbed his hand and dragged him into our room.
“Honey?”
“First off. Why do your chickens have teeth?”
He shrugged. “Ours are just like the chickens in the rest of the Harrowlands. They’re also judgmental and bitey.”
I got distracted by the movement of his shoulders, my half-formed plan coalescing on the spot. I didn’t understand why I was worried Declan might reject meright at the moment I was feeling most vulnerable, but it was easier to do it this way.
“Second off. Your momma asked about my mate mark and I didn’t know what to say.”
“Just say it’s in a place you don’t show to family.” He liked that idea because I heard that invisible tail wagging again.
“I think she’s getting suspicious. Like… I can't believe I'm saying this, but your family, everyone will know we don’t have sex like normal mates, right? Like they can smell our pheromones or something?”
His tone was smooth and even, but his pupils swallowed his blue irises. “They can. But I won't pressure you.”
He was being too nice. Maybe I should have just thrown myself at him and hoped for the best.
“I’m finally making progress with these lessons. No one can question this.” I squirmed a little. I said the words but they were wrong now. The date gave me courage. His care stole my heart. The fucking temple I still couldn’t describe, all pressed down on my lady bits until they were about to explode. Why didn’t I just ask for what I wanted? I excelled at it everywhere else.
