Entering the pantry, I scanned the shelves, heart in my throat. On the second shelf the bread sat covered, just as I remembered, and I almost sobbed into the pre-dawn night. How was I ever going to do this? I knew I had to work on my magic, but I didn’t realize I was completely out of my depth. Anise was so strong. Would I learn fastenough before someone found out about our deception or Evie had her baby without me? Even Maggie would forget about me eventually. I would be alone again. Stuck in a situation where I had to pretend everything was okay and everything was only getting worse.
A wave of pain crashed over me with my anxiety. My hands curled into swollen claws. My bread spilled over in a growth of yeast and dough, sprouting mushrooms. All the canisters of flour burst open just as Declan walked into the pantry. Flour rained down on us like some demented snow globe.
“Honey. Stop.”
He scooped me into the shelter of his warm body and I buried my face in his neck. The pain was almost bearable when I took deep gulps of his pine and frost scent. He didn’t try to rub my back again, for which I was grateful. Declan just let me lean on him as hard as I wanted, unmoving except for his even breathing.
I couldn’t bear for him to see me this way. Of all the people in my life, I needed him to perceive me as strong and capable. Mornings like this made it impossible to claim I had my shit together.
“Is this a new rising technique? Aerated flour?” He held out a hand to catch some of it sifting over him.
I pulled away. Pain had me snapping before I stopped myself. “Do you have to be relentlessly positive?”
He froze. I froze. Clutching the robe against my chest, myheart threatened to beat straight out of it. Fear and shame filled me. I always kept my sharp tongue in check when I was in pain for just this reason. This was it. I never spoke to him like that. It was like kicking a puppy, literally. I would see the pain in Declan’s eyes, the disappointment, and he would quit. Leave me forever because I was a difficult, stubborn woman too wrapped up in work to react correctly to situations.
Instead, he stepped closer, gripping the shelf behind me so he caged me in his arms. His eyes glowed an eerie blue witch-light.
“Tell me. What can I do?”
I swallowed thickly, turning my head away, unmoored by his reaction. Where was the judgment? The quiet disapproval I had grown up with?
“Go back to sleep. You don’t need to be here. I just messed up the bread,” I lied. I just flat-out lied or the sadness still edging my vision would consume me whole.
His hands twitched as if they wanted to pet me, but he controlled the impulse, gripping the shelves tighter. Their groans filled the small room.
“You’re okay.”
Not ‘it’s okay.’ Or ‘you will make more.’ My chin quivered despite any intention of firming it. I heaved a deep breath in an effort to keep it together. Some part of me knew this was stupid and I was overreacting.
“You don’t have to be strong right now. You’re stronga lot of other times. Now that the bread is ruined, you can sleep in.”
He gathered me in his arms as if I weighed nothing. The floating sensation eased the pressure on my joints, lessening the ache. His warmth against my left hip acted like a balm.
“I can’t sleep.” I knew I sounded childish but I couldn’t help it. My mind still panicked.
“Then you will rest,” he said with more authority in his voice than I’d ever heard.
It settled something inside me that no independent woman would ever examine too closely. “I’m just going to keep you up with me,” I said with less conviction.
“Maybe,” he said as he took off the robe and spread me over the bed. Didn’t he care that I was a messy disturbance?
The impulse to sprawl all over him instead had to be stuffed down before I put my foot in my mouth again. “You’ll be bored.”
He pushed my hair back behind my ear, cupping my jaw. “I’ll count your eyelashes. It will be a vital fact to know about you if Momma asks.”
Wait, would she? But Declan smirked as he snuggled in next to me and pulled the blankets over both of us.
“Nothing is happening,” I whispered into our cocoon, my body still jittery, swollen and fighting to knockme out.
“Nothing needs to happen.” Declan’s eyes drifted shut until I couldn’t make out even an edge of blue. “That’s the sleeping-in part.”
“Can you…”
“Yes, Honey?” His eyes were still closed and he said it with patience, but he tensed all over.
It must have been the stupid bed making me think things.
“Can you hold me?”
