I slung an arm around her shoulder, now using my big-brother grip on her. “You burst in here! You volunteered.”
“One day back and you're already so bossy.” But there wasn't any heat in Briggs's words. In fact, she smiled with almost tangible relief.
“Go ask Momma to make the food. We’ll take it over hot.”
Her face set into stubborn lines. “You ask her! I'm not risking life and limb.”
“Briggs.” It came out as a quiet order, but she scurried out all the same, responding to the growl in my voice.
I just needed a second to get my bearings. What looked like a wardrobe actually served as an altar space with a little shrine. I opened the cherry-wood doors and found everything exactly as I left it. Candle stubs competed for room with natural trinkets gifted by the woods. An ancient medallion, stamped with the symbol of some forgotten Godd, gleamed behind slips of paper with prayers written on them in my childish scrawl. The blue glass bowl required a bit of water. The tiny plate next to it waited for the offering of Honey’s bread I kept in my packet like a talisman. I smiled as I set it there, the ritual more special with her included.
One didn't just use Old Magic like a wand or a numerical formula that had a predictable outcome. You petitioned Old Magic to work with you, fill you, allow you to be its vessel. If you didn’t submit to it, it would destroy you.
Most gracious hag, mother of all and protector of wolves, virgin of the wood.
I lit a candle, moving the flame to the others until the shrine glowed gold with reflected light.
Lend me your strength, your wisdom, and your patience. Mainly your strength, so I don't fuck Honey into my mattress before I can convince her we’re genuine mates. Please don’t bemad that I only got the job half done before I got here. There were… circumstances.
It was a selfish request but I couldn't help it. Still, it wouldn't do to anger the Old Magic.
If you see fit, of course. Make your purpose mine so I don't embarrass myself trying to be what these wolves need.
I shifted on my knees.
And I'll bring more bread.
An answering warmth filled me with purpose and power. It really was back. The trick was not having it stripped from us again. Fulfilling our prayers was only a bonus. Maybe I wouldn’t be what the Whitewolfs wanted, but I would be what they needed tonight.
Briggs secured the food by the time I walked to the door, as I assumed she would. Momma complained all she wanted but she wouldn't pass up an opportunity to feed someone. I tried to take it from my sister for warmth when we went outside but she refused to give it up.
“Mean,” I growled, sticking my tongue out at her.
So much for my homecoming. My siblings were already too comfortable.
I was a bit nervous as I knocked on the door. I hadn't seen the Whitewolfs since I was a pup. They didn't know me, not really, and I had lost touch with the rhythm of this place. My father ruled this pack with authority, fear. I refused to bring that back. I could only be myself.
The door opened and Briggs shoved the crock into Hattie Whitewolf’s hands.
“We’re here with a ‘light’ dinner,” I said with humor in my voice.
Rings circled her eyes. Her skin hung lifeless and ashy. It took a lot to bring a wolf shifter down, but a missing child would do it. Two would kill a wolf.
She opened the crock to a vat of cream and cheese stuffed with bright chilis and caramelized onions. Inhaling deeply, the first sign of life lit her features.
“Anise’s white pasta? We won't have to eat for a week! Come in. Come in out of the cold.”
We moved into their snug home, the faces of her mate and son drawn and tired. The smell of food brought a weak glint into their eyes. Even if anxiety vibrated off them like a living thing, hope also filled the small residence.
I settled at their kitchen table as Hattie bustled about to get plates. “Nothing like cheese on cream for a winter night. Tastes like home.”
“We’re glad to see you back,” Holgar Whitewolf said as the plates hit the table and his son joined us. Briggs made a point of sitting next to the youngest wolf, Arden.
This was it. The moment I had to do the thing they were all waiting for. My stomach folded in on itself and I breathed through my nose. Suddenly my hands splayed on the table were the most interesting thing in the room.
“I wish we could chat about winter stores and how thick the ice will be for skating but I know your girls are missing.”
The whole family, Briggs included, leaned forward in anticipation. I was supposed to say something inspiring or definitive, but I only had my own good nature.
