“I didn’t.” He shrugged. “Well, fuck. I didn’t much. I’m feeling off today.”
“Younevercall off work.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Unless you’re on death’s door. Are you here to keep an eye on me?”
“Maybe. Did you go to your PT this morning?” He grabbed his bowler hat and laid it on the bar. I took a moment to note how exhausted hereallylooked. Everything about him wasn’t right, from how he sat to how he rubbed the tiredness from his eyes. The PD I knew lived life as if his ass was constantly on fire. His tattoo business was everything to him, and I hated that he was here worrying about me.
“Fine.” I frowned. “I don’t need you to babysit me. King’s already doing that.” The words were sour on my tongue. It was humiliating having my president treat me the same as a kid.
He heaved a massive sigh. “I know I’m not going to fix what I did, but I’m sorry, Will. You should’ve killed that Demon, not me. I was just soangry, knowing what he did to you, that I didn’t stop to think.”
I blinked as his words filtered through my brain. It took me a few moments to piece together what he was saying. I’d completely forgotten about the Demon they’d tortured. If anything, I couldn’t remember what I’d been mad about.
These days, my brain moved in strange patterns, like it was full of water, and I was drowning, caught beneath a riptide. My thoughts jumped around, not quite stagnant long enough for me to stop and wonder why I was doing something.
“I don’t care,” I finally said, my fingers twitching where I had them resting on the bar.
“You do.” PD messed with his hat, flipping it—a nervous habit. “Tell me what to do so I can bring you home.”
I laughed, and he gaped at me.
“You want to know what’s fucked?” I asked.
He frowned again. “What?”
I grinned. “I’m not even mad at you about the Demon fucker. I don’t remember why I was pissed.” I slapped the bar. “The entire thing is fucked. I can tell you what I did ten years ago, but I can’t remember why I decided to live here.” I glanced around the barroom as if it would give me answers.
“Then, come home,” he whispered, pitiful in a way that PD only ever acted around me. “Let me take care of you.”
There. That’s what made me move into a room here. Fuck, how did I forget?
I froze. “I don’t need anyone. I’m a grown fucking adult.”
“Will—”
“No.” I stood and stumbled backward when I lost my balance. He reached for me, but I glared as I managed to stay on my feet. “I don’t need you to baby me.”
“I’m not,” he argued, but I shook my head.
“Fuck off, PD. Just because I got hurt?—”
“You nearlydied. It wasn’t just getting hurt. You were in the fucking ICU for weeks.” He gritted his teeth. “I had to watch you on aventilator. Do you not understand that?”
“Poor you.” The part of my brain with little patience triggered. I couldn’t stop the word vomit from tumbling out of my mouth. “Imagine being the one who woke up to this bullshit. Who feels pain twenty-four seven, who’s dealing with his best friends treating him like he can’t shit alone. It all fucking hurts. My brain is a fucking mess. I can’t think straight. I can’t go back to work yet. I need....I need....”
“What do you need?” he asked.
“I don’t fuckingknowwhat I need,” I yelled. “My brain is fucked!”
Silence filled the barroom. All the anger evaporated into helplessness. PD stared at me, and I’d never felt more stupid.
A knock on the clubhouse door made me jump, and I nearly tripped over my feet, but PD grabbed me this time, holding on to my elbow.
“I want to help, not babysit you,” PD murmured. “I care about you, Will. You’re my family, and when you nearly died, I did, too. If youhadkicked the bucket, I would’ve followed you to the grave.”
“What?” My breath left my lungs completely, but it wasn’t because of the pain this time.
PD stepped in closer and pressed two fingers to his temple. “I would’ve taken a gun to my head and I would’ve ended it all.Youare my life, and without you here, there is no reason for living.”
Someone pounded on the door, and I sucked in the air needed to take a step back. There were so many things I wanted to say, so many things I wanted to do, but instead of saying or doinganything, I headed toward the hallway.
