“Whoever you choose as the next high ruler of Spring, I will do everything I can to support them and bring peace to our people,” he says. “But that person is not me.”
I open my mouth, but he whispers, “Please, Rose. I have proven too many times the power within that blessing is beyond me.”
“It’s not the power, it’s your fear. You think you need the wolf’s rage to protect you. But you can protect yourself. Trust me, Ez. Have faith.”
He shakes his head and moves away from me. “I do not even have a helm. Look at me! I thought I could bear to show my face, but every time someone besides you looks at me, I feel as if I will wither from the shame.”
“You can forge a new helm?—”
“No,” he says roughly. “My helm was taken from me. I can’t hold the blessing, Rose.”
I drift toward him and grab his calloused hand. Within it, I tuck the token of the queen. “Can you start with this?”
He looks down at the token as if I have placed a deadly weapon in his hand. I suppose I have. His brother wielded the Hammer of Hope with vengeance, hatred. Emotions Ezryn himself fought with once in the Hall of Vernalion.
But I have to have faith too.
He closes his fist around the token, then slips the necklace over his head. He nods.
The blessing seems to do a little flip around my heart, curling and blooming like flowers on a vine.
“You have so much trust in us,” Ezryn murmurs. “I’m not sure it’s deserved.”
I raise a brow, feeling as if the conversation is shifting direction. “You agree with Kel, don’t you? That Caspian deserves to be locked down there, in the dark.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think about Caspian anymore. He’s your mate.”
I study Ezryn, trying to read his body language, his expression. He may as well be wearing a full suit of armor.
He walks to the bed and puts a hand on the post. The muscles of his back ripple through his dark linen shirt. “I never imagined myself as one to share a lover. Though I never imagined sharing my life with anyone at all. But your mate bonds with Kel and Dayton and Farron—they tie us together. A family. Your love for them flows through me. It carves its way through my stone until my bones are etched with your love for them. And I am stronger for it.”
Tears spring to my eyes. Never in my life did I imagine having multiple partners either, and I know how lucky I am to have so much love. But witnessing—feeling—their love for one another? It’s like Ezryn said. Etched in my bones. I’ve been so changed by their love, I can barely remember who I was before it.
“If Caspian is your mate”—Ezryn holds up his hands, staring at his skin—“then he’s here in me too. Making up the sinew of my soul.”
“My connection with Caspian is not just a mate bond,” I say. “I love him, Ezryn. For who he is. I truly, deeply love him.”
Ezryn squeezes his eyes shut. “Monsters, the five of us. How do you find it within yourself to love us?”
I walk over to him and take his hand. “Ez, you of all people should understand. I’m not the only one who’s loved a monster. You’ve protected them your whole life. Been a mentor to Farron when his own mother shunned him. Acted as an older brother to Dayton when he needed one most. And when everyone else forsook Keldarion, you loved him in that darkness.”
Ez’s eyes squeeze even tighter, and a tear runs down his face.
“I understand it now,” I whisper. “Why you gave your blessing to Kairyn. It’s the same reason I saved Wrenley when I had a chance. Because your heart is gentle and so full of forgiveness.”
His eyes open, their depths swirling with unspoken words. “As is your heart, Petal. It is why I love you so much.”
I throw myself into his arms. He pulls me tight against his chest and sweeps me up. Our lips meet, breath mingling with desperate urgency. I kiss him harder, with everything I have, because I do not have the strength to tell him the truth. My heart is not so gentle anymore.
Our kiss breaks apart suddenly as Ezryn stumbles away from me. He slams his hands against the wall, stare distant, breathing rapid.
“Ez?” I call.
That faraway stare… What is he thinking?
“Ez, tell me what’s going on.”
Then he shuts his eyes, the strangest expression of sorrow and resolve on his face.
