You’re not afraid of this, he murmurs in my mind.
I return his gaze.Never have been.
A strange sound breaks the silence. A barking laugh. Kel throws back his head and howls with laughter. But when he stops, his gaze is anything but mirthful. “And here I was, thinking I’d experienced the depths of your manipulation.” He surges forward, grabbing Cas by the lapels and shoving him up against the wall. “What did you do? Plant memories in her mind? Infect her dreams? Make abargain?”
“Kel, stop.” I grab his arm and yank him away from Cas. “The bond between Caspian and me is real. You don’t have to approve of it, but it’s the truth. And because of that, I know Cas will never hurt me.”
“You still don’t understand,” Kel snarls. “This is what he does. He has ways to manipulate your feelings and make it feel like love.”
Caspian assumes a bored expression and straightens his shirt. “Educate me, Keldarion. In what ways am I so gifted?”
Kel says nothing, but his eyes blaze with pain. He holds up his wrist, revealing the frosted thorn bracelet.
Caspian flicks his gaze up, staring at the bracelet. His hand wraps around his own wrist.
“This isn’t a trick,” I snarl and clutch my chest. “And don’t you dare tell me what I feel, Kel. Iknowthe bond is real. Ifeelit like a living thing inside me. And it is as bright and alive as the one that burns for you.”
Kel’s lip curls, but there’s a terrifying stillness in his stance. “This changes nothing. Even if it’s real and a cruel twist of fate, mates or not, you’re still not safe with him. Hecannotlove.”
“Oh, I love.” Caspian’s voice darkens. “Ilovedwatching your realm turn against you. Do you know how satisfying it was to see you brought down to your knees by their judgments and their scorn? For once, the great hero of Winter understood what it was like. Oh, and seeing you waste away and ruin yourself without me, Kel…sweet as fucking ambrosia.”
I shove Caspian on the shoulder. “Shut up. You’re not helping.”
“Why should I bother?” he snaps, venomous gaze on Kel. “Hate me. Fuck me. Scorn me. Tempt me. It’s always been the same. I’m as delusional as always for expecting any different.”
Kel growls low in his throat. “I’m the delusional one, wishing the same thing over and over. That you could be the person you made me believe you were.”
Cas opens his mouth, but I step between them, feeling as if my blood might boil over. “I’m sick of listening to how easy it is for you to be so cruel to each other!” I point a condemning finger first at Kel, then at Cas. “I’m going to Castletree. Figure it out. Or maybe I won’t come back.”
51
Caspian
Rosalina storms down the hallway. The air between Kel andme hangs heavy and echoing.
“I’m not dealing with this,” Kel growls, then moves to walk past me back into his room.
My chest tightens. I hate the way he looks at me, so filled with resentment, like every time he says my name, it tastes bitter in his mouth. But I hate the absence of him more.
“Scared of me, Kel? Worried I’m going to sweep you up into another bargain? Run away in the night with your mate and your castle?” Most of all, I hate myself as the taunting words leave my lips. But I will take anything from him, be it a glance or a cruel word.
Kel’s shoulders fall, and he turns back to me. “Are you not exhausted from tormenting me? There is nothing left for me to give you, and I won’t let Rosalina give you herself. If you want to fight with us, fight with us. You want to pretend to be best friends with Ez and Farron and Day? Fine. Play games and make jokes and pretend nothing ever happened. But I can’t forget. Iwon’tforget. So please. Leave me alone.”
Oh, the pain I would save myself if I onlycould.
An angry laugh bubbles up in my chest. “You always do this.”
“Do what?”
“Act like you were the only person who was wronged during our love affair.”
“You betrayed me!” he roars. “You occupied my home! Your soldiers murdered my parents! You went back on every promise we’d ever made.” His whole body shakes before his voice softens. “It was no love affair. It was a hoax.”
Ugly. It’s so damn ugly seeing the bloody memories of our past laid out in such simple words. He’s not wrong.
After Winter’s army descended on Cryptgarden, I turned my back on the promises we made. I was shattered, my only desire to see his realm broken, like the physical manifestation of my heart. I never thought Runa and Erivor would be the casualties…
But it was war.
