My chest becomes heavy at the thought. Anytime I think of my mother, I’m right back on the battlefield. It’s as if the soldiers’ cries and the clang of metal are happening in this room.I miss you so much.
I’ve had my father and siblings to lean on, to grieve with. Not to mention, Dayton and Rosie don’t let a day go by where they’re not checking in on me.
But after Isidora’s death, who checked on Ez?
Ezryn lifts his hand to cover mine and holds it tight.
“It’s okay to be conflicted about this,” I say quietly. “Take your time.”
“We were always so hard on him, Fare. My father and me. You remember Kai as a boy, don’t you? He was always so distracted. A dreamer. There are so many moments in our childhood where I was so focused on fulfilling my own duty, I never stopped to look behind me and wait for him to catch up.”
I’d spent a little bit of time with Kairyn before his banishment. He mostly struck me as … odd. Come to think of it, I can’t think of a time when I saw him and Ezryn really get along. Even when they were younger, it was always Ezryn and Kel working together, fighting together, doing everything together. “You were the heir. You had to worry about yourself.”
A deep rasp comes from beneath Ezryn’s helm. “He needed someone. Mother was the only person he was close to. She understood his strangeness. I took her away from him.”
My throat tightens. How many times have I felt like that since the death of my own mother? That if I had done something different that day, I could have saved her life, and not left Dom, Billy, and Nori motherless?
I squeeze my eyes shut. In my heart of hearts, I know I deserve forgiveness. And Ezryn does, too. “It wasn’t your fault, Ez. Passing the Blessing is dangerous. Isidora knew the risks.”
His body stills, and he peels his hand away from mine. A moment of silence passes before he says, “How did it feel when your mother passed it to you?”
I can never forget it. The memory is treasured within me. “It was like a dormant flame caught to light in my chest. As if my core self ignited and radiated out, and suddenly I was a part of every living thing in the realm. The leaves were brighter, the sun warmer. I could hear words on the wind I’d never understood before—”
“To me,” Ezryn says, voice a husky growl, “it felt like I was being ripped from the inside out. Like in order to settle within me, it had to carve its way into my bones. I thought I was strong. No. The Blessing showed me just how weak I was. How weak Iam. I couldn’t control it. It all happened so fast. I—” He cuts off and turns away, body drenched in shadows.
A shiver runs up my spine. “You what, Ez?”
Another weighty pause courses between us before Ezryn stalks to the door and opens it. “My father is dying, Farron. What if this decision about Kai’s punishment is the last chance to do right by my family?”
He was about to tell me something. I could push him …
No. He’ll find his words in time. When he’s ready, he’ll tell me.
I stand beside the High Prince of Spring and peer into the dark shadows of his helm. “We’re your family, too. You’ve done right by us. If you don’t believe Kairyn has anything to do with the missing Spring steel, I trust you.” Again, I search my mind for what I think he needs, arming him with words instead of weapons. “Kairyn is still here, Ez. If there’s something you need to tell him, it’s not too late.”
32
Rosalina
“Prince Kairyn,” I breathe, fully turning to face him. The hairs on my arms rise, and for some reason, the idea of having my back to him feels wrong.
I shouldn’t be surprised to see him here. He’s the leader of the High Clerics. And I know I’m not in the wrong for entering this space; Ezryn told me the monastery is open to everyone. But between his height, the broadness of his shoulders, and the sweeping black armor, the exit to the hall appears shrunken behind him.
“Apologies. I was walking with Prince Ezryn and Prince Farron and became distracted.” I look down. “They’re just up ahead. I’m sure they’re wondering where I am.”
“It’s understandable. The artwork throughout the monastery can not only be distracting, but enchanting.” His voice is a reverberated timbre through the black helm. “I would know. I’ve lived here for decades.”
Been banished here for decades, he means.
Kairyn stands beside me and looks up at the mosaic. A white stardrop on his breastplate, reflects the low light. “The Queen, in all her glory. The Golden Acolytes honor her memory and pray that she will return to the Vale.”
My breath is heavy in my throat. I blink up at him. “Is that what you pray for?”
He stays silent for a moment, reminding me of Ezryn. Then he says: “Waiting for someone else to save you is a hopeless endeavor. The Queen is renowned as loving and just. She would not want us to sit in denial. A truly selfless ruler would want a new power to rise and shepherd the Vale as she had done before.”
It’s strange to see him speaking like this, quietly and with such thought. So different from my first impression of him when he confronted Ezryn. And yet…
I see it in his clenched fists, the heave of his heavily armored chest. A storm brews beneath the surface.
