It’s all so clear to me now, why every time things get hard, Ezryn leaves. Losing himself in the Briar, killing goblins—it’s a way for him to feel in control of himself. I sigh and scoot close to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. “Then I’ll put you back together.”
His helm tilts against my forehead. “I can’t help but think the Blessing would have been safer if I had passed it onto Kairyn.”
“Your mother wantedyouto lead Spring. Not him.”
“But—”
I slip to the ground, sliding between his feet, and look up at him pleadingly. The action causes the butterflies to take flight, bursting from his chest in a cloud of color. “You are the rightful High Prince of Spring. I understand how hard things have been. You didn’t just lose your mother; it was like you lost your entire family. But you made the right choice fighting for yourself in the Rite. Now, both you and Kairyn are back home. Wouldn’t it make your mother so happy to see her sons working together?”
“You’re right. That would make her happy.” He stands and pulls me to my feet. “Thank you, Rosalina. You’ve given me the courage to do something I should have done a long time ago.”
I wrap my arms around him. “You know she would want you to forgive yourself.”
“I know,” he murmurs. “I’m trying, Rose. I promise, I’m trying.”
71
Ezryn
Ifind my brother in the Healing Gardens on the western corner of the keep. The open-air space is filled with rocky water features, green shrubs pruned into the shapes of mystical creatures, and aromatic herbs that fill the air with sweetness.
Kairyn sits on a stone bench beside my father, who is bundled in a thick blanket, helm lolled to the side, dozing.
My brother’s right arm is in a sling, and he wears no metal besides his helm, merely dressed in a black long-sleeve tunic and pants. Even without the armor, his size is impressive, shoulders broad.
He stands as soon as he sees me. “Brother. I sent search parties out—I wasn’t sure what happened.”
“All is well. The other High Princes and I made it back to Castletree mostly unscathed thanks to Lady Rosalina.”
Kairyn shakes his head. “Everyone is all right …”
“And thanks to you.” I touch his good shoulder. “You saved my life.”
“I-I was not strong enough,”
“Do not disparage yourself, Kai. None of us were strong enough to defeat that creature, not even with our Blessings. There’s nothing you could have done.”
Kai turns away from me and stumbles back to where our father sits. He pulls the blanket tighter around him. “There is so much I could have done.”
Sun beams off my father’s magnificent helm, and I have trouble reconciling this version of my father with the one from my childhood. The imposing man with a voice as powerful as a bellowing forge. The skilled swordsman who spent hours sparring with our mother in the gardens. The mated fae who loved our mother with such ferocity, it sometimes seemed like there was nothing left over.
When she died, she took all of that love with her. Father had been a husk then, too, but one that could feign conversation. With Eldy’s help, he had been able to rule. But now…
“Our healers still have no idea what’s causing his affliction?” I ask.
Kairyn shakes his head. “They suspect his heart could not withstand so many years of pain.”
Though outwardly Kairyn says nothing more, I hear his voice like a roar in my head:See that? You’ve not only killed Mother. Your actions are killing Father, too.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I take in stuttering breaths so the memories of the hallucination do not cloud me again. I should have admitted everything to Kairyn years ago. Without his forgiveness, how will I ever be able to forgive myself?
I need to do right by this Kairyn to stop the one in my head from tearing me apart.
I put my hand on my brother’s arm and guide him to look at me. The owl helm turns, and for once, it does not appear furrowed or vicious. Perhaps it’s the glint of the sun, or the gentleness with which he tends to my father, but my brother only seems … sad.
“Kairyn, I must do what I should have done long ago.” My voice is shaky, but I think of Rosalina. Of what her heart spurs my own to do. “I came here today to ask you something.”
Kairyn says nothing, but I hear the heavy reverberation of his breath through his helm.
